Newfie Jokes in Newfie Slang!

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Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Funny Newfie Joke - Newfie Fishing Joke! Funny Picture - Trippy fingers

Three Newfies are fishing by a river with fishing poles with the lines casting away. A Newfie Game Warden sneaks up, and says, "Hey by', You's got fishing licenses?"
"Got none atall'," said the first Newfie.
"Well, if your gonna go fishing, you needs fisherman licenses by's," exclaimed the Game Warden.
"But Mr. officer," said the second Newfie, "we weren't fishing. We gots magnets near the end of our fishing lines and we're gettin' stuff under da' brook."
The Game Warden pulled on the lines... there were big ol' magnets righ ton the end of each line.
"Yes by's, knows der's no laws against it," exclaimed the Newfie Game Warden. "Get all the stuff ya wants by's." Then he just left.
When they knew the Game Warden was completely gone, the 3 Newfies started laughing like crazy. "He's a real stun' Fish Coppper," one said to the rest, "he never knew that der' are steelheads in dis' brook?"

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Monday, November 28, 2011

Newfoundland Wife Duties - Funny Newfie Joke!

Newfoundland Wife Duties - Funny Newfie Joke!

Three men from Ontario were sitting together one day bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.

The first man had married a woman from Quebec and had told her that she was going to have to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Manitoba. He had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a girl from Newfoundland. He told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything,but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little bit out of his left eye, enough to fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.

If a Man Speaks in the Forest
and there is no Woman
there to Hear...
Is He Still Wrong?

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Sunday, November 27, 2011

Getting into Heaven - True Story

True FUNNY story from a Sunday school teacher in Newfoundland/Labrador:

I was testing the children in my Newfoundland Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to Heaven.

I asked them, 'If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?'

'NO!' the children answered.

'If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?'

Again, the answer was, 'NO!'.

'Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?' I asked them again.

Again, they all answered, 'NO!'

I was just bursting with pride for them.

Well, I continued, 'then how can I get into Heaven?'

A six-year-old Newfie boy shouted out, 'YOU GOTTA BE DEAD'

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Friday, November 25, 2011

Bridge to North Sydney - Funny Newfie Jokes

Bridge to North Sydney - Funny, Stupid Newfoundland/Labrador Joke by's!!

A Newfie riding his Harley along the TCH just outside of Port aux Basque when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'

The Newfie pulled over and replied, 'Build a bridge to North Sydney so I can ride over anytime I want.'

The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking: the supports required reaching the bottom of the ocean and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'

The Newfie thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.'

The Lord replied, 'You want two lanes, or four on that bridge?'

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Thursday, November 24, 2011

SCARY Newfie GHOST Story? LOL! Hilarious Moose Picture!

This happened in a little town in Newfoundland, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's absolutely true!

This guy was on the side of the road hitch-hiking on a very dark night in the middle of a terrible rain storm. The night was rolling and no cars were on the road. The storm was so strong the guy could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car come toward him and stop.

The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door and only then did he realize that there was nobody behind the wheel!

The car started to move very slowly. The guy looked at the road and saw a curve coming his way. Petrified, he started to pray, begging for his life.

He had not come out of shock when, just before the car hit the curve, a hand suddenly appeared through the window and moved the wheel.

The guy, now paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared every time the car was approaching a curve. Finally, although terrified, the guy managed to open the door and jump out of the spooky car.

Without looking back, the guy ran through the storm all the way to the nearest town. Soaking wet, exhausted and in a state of utter shock the pale, visibly shaken guy, walked into a nearby bar and asked for two shots of Screech.

Then, still trembling with fright, he started telling everybody in the Bar about the horrible experience he just went through with the spooky car with no driver and the mysterious hand that kept appearing.

Everyone in the bar listened in silence and became frightened, listening to this eerie story; hairs stood on end when they realized the guy was telling the truth because he was crying and he definitely was not drunk.

About half an hour later two guys walked into the same bar and one said to the other, "Lard Tunderin' Jaysus, me boy, there's the jerk who got into the car while we was pushing it!"

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Funny Moose Kiss Picture!

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Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Funny Newfie Horseshoes Picture and Blind Newfie!

Blind Newfie in the Swimming Pool (Toilet?) Funny Joke

There once was a blind Newfoundlander who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas." When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar.

Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."

After a couple of beers, the blind Newfie asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right."

The blind Newfie headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool. He fell into the pool by accident. Scared to death, the blind Newfie started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!"

Newfie: a person from Newfoundland/Labrador

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Newfies playing Horseshoes with Toilet Seats! LOL!

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Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Woman Drivers Hilarious Pic and Funny Jokes! LOL!

Funny Woman Driver Hokes!

Policeman: ‘When I saw you coming round that bend I thought, “Forty-five at least”.’
Woman driver: ‘Well, I always look older in this hat.’

“We bumped into some old friends yesterday, my wife was driving.”

Wife: “There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburettor.”
Husband: “Water in the carburettor? That’s plain daft.”
Wife: “I’m telling you the car has water in the carburettor.”
Husband: “Don’t be silly, You don’t even know what a carburettor is. Where’s the car?”
Wife: “In next door’s swimming pool.”

“Nothing confuses a man more than a woman driver who does everything right.”

More funny jokes, hilarious videos, lol pictures at Funniest Jokes Ever!

New Seatbelt Design!
45% Less Car Accidents! LOL!

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Monday, November 21, 2011

Google Chrome Gun Comparison Funny Picture

'Eres a joke fer ya's...

What is Internet Explorer?
  1. One of the most amazing tools for downloading Google Chrome.
  2. Microsoft’s pre-installed, default internet browser for Windows. Has to be the worst browser on earth, because its only features are free viruses, automatic spyware downloads, and awesome security holes.The best part about Internet Explorer is that it forced companies, such as Mozilla and Opera, to make their own browsers, which completely and utterly blow Internet Explorer out of the water.
  3. A great program that lets you download viruses.

    Bob: w00t, I’m downloading 500+ viruses a minute on internet explorer!

    Jeff: Lololllolololllololollolz0rz! Inronetz explo0dr is liek fu*kin’, sh!t. lolololollolololo!!!!!!1!!1!11111!!11! XD

More funny jokes, hilarious videos, and pictures lol.. at Funniest Jokes Ever...

Google Chrome GUNS compared with other browsers,
Internet Explorer, Opera, Safari, Firefox
Anyone check out Google+ yet? Pretty cool... My Google+ Page... add me to ya circles by's!

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Sunday, November 20, 2011

The Genie, Newfie, Quebecer , and Torontonian - Funny Newfie Joke!!

There are three guys walking together, a Newfie, a Quebecer , and a Torontonian. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out, "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes."

So the Newfie says "I am a fisherman, my dad's a fisherman, and his dad was a fisherman, and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish" 'POOF' the oceans were full ( of fish that is).

The Quebecer was amazed, he said "I want a wall around the province of Quebec, so nothing will get in." 'POOF' there was a wall around Quebec.

The guy from Toronto says "Tell me more about this wall."

The genie says "Well its about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out."

So the Torontian says "Fill it up with water."

More hilarious jokes and funny pix at World's Funniest Jokes Ever


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Saturday, November 19, 2011

Funny Newfie PDA Picture and Hilarious Joke!

HaHa!! Fly in Beer Newfoundland Joke LOL!

A Torontrian, a Nova Scotian, and an old Newfie went into a bar and each ordered a beer. Each found a fly in their beer.

The Torontrian looked in his beer and said, "Hey bartender I have a fly in my beer. Give me another beer."

The Nova Scotian looked in his beer, found the fly, reached in an picked it out and continued drinking.

The old Newfie looked in his beer, saw the fly, grabbed it by the wings, shook it over the glass and yelled, "Spit it out!"

More funny pics by's and laffin' jokees at World's Funniest JOKES and Pictures!

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Friday, November 18, 2011

Funny Newfie Baby Joke and Picture!

A Newfoundland doctor wanted to find out what the best method of birth control was, so he surveyed three of his patients as to what method they used. The first patient says, "We're Catholic so we can't use it." "How many children do you have?" "Twelve." The second patient says, "We use the rhythm & IUD methods, and we have 6 children." The third female patient (six foot tall) says, "We use the pail and saucer method."

"How many children do you have?"


Just as the puzzled doctor was about to ask the next question, the woman's husband (five foot two) entered the room. The doctor asked, "What is the pail and saucer method?"

The woman says, "He's so short that we make love standing up, with him standing on a pail. When his eyes get big as saucers I kick the pail out from under him."

The BEST hilarious jokes and extreme funny pictures at World's Funniest Jokes and Pictures


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Thursday, November 17, 2011

If MEN Ruled the World - Funny Joke!

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.

When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.

Garbage would take itself out.

Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"

Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response To "I love you."

Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NHL Team of your choice.

At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.

Tanks would be far easier to rent.

Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."

Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years. (Wouldn't help -- you STILL wouldn't remember!)

Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.

More funny jokes at Funniest Jokes and Pictures!

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Wednesday, November 16, 2011

You Know You're From Newfoundland When... - FUNNY Newfie JOKE!

You know you're from Newfoundland when...

- You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
- You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup.
- The mosquitoes have landing lights.
- You have 10 favourite recipes for bottled moose.
- You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
- Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
- You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
- You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.
- Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
- You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
- You think s*xy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
- The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires 6 pages for local softball scores.
- The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
- At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
- Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
- You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
- You think the start of salmon fishing season is a national holiday.
- You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
- The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.
- You find -40C a little nippy.
- You can play road hockey on skates.
- The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
- You know 4 seasons - Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.
- You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Newfie friends.

more funny jokes at Funniest Jokes Ever

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Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Funny Moose Picture and Newfie Patch Joke!

Two newfs are driving, both enjoying a bottle of black horse, when a cop pulls them over. The newf in the passenger seat says "he's got us now by, what are we gonna do?".

The driver assures the passenger that they have nothing to worry about and tells him to follow his lead and say nothing.

So, the driver peals the lable off the bottle of beer, licks the back of the lable, sticks it to his forehead, and puts the bottle under his seat; the passenger follows suit. The police officer approaches the drivers window and asks for his licence and registration.

As the driver gives the officer his info the officer asks whether he or the passenger had been drinking at all that night, and the driver points to his forehead and responds, "Oh no sir, we's on da patch ya see!".

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Monday, November 14, 2011

The BEST Comebacks - Dating Jokes

Great comebacks for propositions .... for the female readers!

Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Perhaps. I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized!"

Man: "Haven't I seen you some place before?"
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter"

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Sunday, November 13, 2011

FUNNY Newfie Archaeology Joke!

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, Toronto scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Ontarian's, in the weeks that followed, a Vancouver archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the Vancouver Province: "BC archaeologists, finding traces of 130-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 30 years earlier than Ontario".

One week later, the Newfoundland telegram in St Johns , reported the following: "After digging as deep as 30 feet in his backyard in St John's , Newfoundland , James Smith, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing at all. James has therefore concluded that 150 years ago, Newfoundland had already gone wireless."

More hilarious jokes and funny pictures at Funny Animal

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Saturday, November 12, 2011

The Newfie and the Talking Moose - Funny Joke

A man's car stalled just outside of Gander one morning. When the man got out to fix it, a moose came along and stopped beside him. "Your trouble is probably in the carburetor," said the moose.

Startled, the man jumped back and ran down the road until he met someone. The amazed man told the feller his story.

"Was it a large brown moose with a crooked left antler?" asked the feller.

"Yes, yes," the man replied.

"Oh! I wouldn't listen to Old Lefty," said the feller. "He doesn't know a thing about cars."

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Friday, November 11, 2011

The Newfie in Space - Anudder Funny Newfee Joke

There was a newfie, an irishman and a frenchman that volunteered to go up in a space ship for 10 years. NASA asked each one what they would like a 10 year supply of.

The Irishman replied "I would love to have a 10 year supply of all the best whiskey!"

The Frenchman replied "I would love to have a 10 year supply of all the best food in the world!"

Then the Newfie replied "Smokes! I gotta have my smokes!"

So NASA packed them up and sent them off and then 10 years later they retured.

They asked each of them how they liked their things. The Irishman replied "Oh, I was drunk every second night!" and the Frenchman replied "Oh, I ate like a little pig!" and then the Newfie replied "Uh, gotta light?"

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Thursday, November 10, 2011

Funny Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart

Temperature conversion chart for Canada...

500 below (-266 C): Hell freezes over. The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup.

460 below (-246 C): ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero in the Kelvin scale). People in Canada start saying, "Cold 'nuff for ya?"

297 below (-164.5 C): Microbial life no longer survives on dairy products. Cows in Canada complain about farmers with cold hands.

100 below (-66 C): Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Canadians get frustrated because they can't thaw the keg.

80 below (-56 C): Mt. St. Helens freezes. People in Canada rent some videos.

60 below (-46 C): Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic. Canadian Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.

40 below (-36 C): Hollywood disintegrates. The Girl Guides in Canada re selling cookies door to door.

20 below (-26 C): Californians fly away to Mexico. People in Canada get out their winter coats.

0 degrees (-18 C): People in Miami all die. Canadians lick the flagpole.

15 above (-8.5 C): Philadelphia landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Canada have the last cookout before it gets cold.

20 above (-6 C): Floridians put on coats, thermal underwear, gloves and woolly hats. People in Canada throw on a flannel shirt.

32 above (0 C): Distilled water freezes. Lake Superior's water gets thicker.

40 above (+4 C): Italian and English cars won't start. People in Canada drive with the windows down.

50 above (+9 C): Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Canada sunbathe.

60 above (+14 C): North Carolinians try to turn on the heat. People in Canada plant gardens.

70 above (+19 deg. Celsius): Texans turn on the heat and unpack the thermal underwear. People in Canada go swimming in the Lakes.

more funny jokes at Funniest Jokes Ever

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Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Engagement Self Portrait Painting with my Beautiful Wife

Engagement Portrait
Self-Portrait with my Beautiful Wife
Oil on Canvas
3 feet by 4 feet
ART by Graham Matthews

I began this portrait painting earlier this year in preparation for..
 ...more at Graham Matthews ART

Please LIKE my Facebook Page! Thanks!!

Graham Matthews ART on Facebook

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Tuesday, November 8, 2011

FUNNY Newfie Letter From Mom to Son!

Dear Son:

I am writing this slowly because i know you're a slow reader.

We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most car accidents happened within 20 miles of the home, so we moved. I can't send you the address, cuz the last couple that lived here (newfies) took the numbers with them for their next house so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place has a washing machine, but the first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain, and I haven't seen them since. The bathroom's a funny place for a washing machine.

It rained here only twice last week; three days the first time, and four the second.

About the coat you wanted me to send you; Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said that if we didn't make the last payment on Granny's funeral, up she comes.

About your sister; She had a baby this morning! I haven't found out wether it's a boy or a girl so I don't know if you are an aunt or an uncle.

Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pick-up. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out, but the other two drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate open.

Aunt Mabel is knitting you some socks. She would have sent them by now, but I told her that you grown another foot since she last saw you, so she's making another sock.

Not much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.


PS: I was going to include $20.00 but I had already sealed the envolope before I remembered.

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Worlds Funniest Jokes Ever

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Retired - Funny Newfie Poem

My nookie days are over, my pilot light is out...
What used to be my s*x appeal is now my water spout...
Time was when of its own accord, from my trousers it would spring
But now I have a full time job to find the blasted thing
It used to be embarrassing the way it would behave
For every single morning it would stand, watch me shave
As old age approaches it sure gives me the blues...
To see it hang its withered head: watch me shine my shoes.

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Monday, November 7, 2011

Garge and his Hunting Partner - Newfie Moose Hunting Joke

A group of Newfies went moose hunting and split up into paires for the day. That night, one of the hunters, Garge, returned alone, staggering under the weight of a large bull moose.

The others asked "Where's Ted?"

"Ted had a stroke or some thing and died. I left him a couple of miles back up the trail."

"You left Ted laying out there and carried the moose back?!!"

"It was a tough call," nodded Garge, "but I figured no one is going to steal Ted."

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Sunday, November 6, 2011

Cookies for Wilbur - LOL! Funny Newfie Joke!

Cookies for Wilbur

Wilbur, an old Newfie lay perilously near death, his rugged, mahogany tinted features composed in stoic Christian resignation at his approaching end. His mind was very much on his impending demise, just as his parish priest had suggested when he suddenly smelled his favorite Molasses cookies. Their aroma wafted up the stairs from the kitchen to his twitching nostrils, teasing his, until then, dulled senses.

Was he dreaming?

He summoned some last vestige of strength and laboriously hoisted himself up from the bed and slowly made his way out of the bedroom. With even greater effort he gripped the banisters with both hands and barely managed to crawl downstairs, step by halting step. His breath came in painful gasps when he finally collapsed against the door frame and gazed teary eyed into the kitchen.

If it were not for his aching body he would have thought himself in Heaven!

There, spread out upon wax paper on the table and on all the kitchen surfaces, were HUNDREDS of his favorite Molasses cookies.

How his heart warmed towards his companion of the last 60 years. Wasn't this, after all, proof of a devoted Newfoundland wife's love for her husband?

Look how she was seeing to it that he left this world a happy man!!

Yes, admittedly, at times, she had been shrill or brusque but, holy Moses, just contemplate this sign of true affection for her old fisherman husband.

Mustering yet more strength from he knew not where, he lunged at the cookie laden table and landed on his knees, his lips parted in expectation, waiting to savor that delectable and characteristic taste of warm Molasses dough crumbling in his mouth. He could almost feel those wondrous morsels on his tongue! He felt a new surge of Life rise in him.

Weariness fell from him miraculously. He raised his arm. His withered, blue-veined hand trembled and reached out, hovered longingly, lingering just a fraction of a second in hesitation above the nearest cookie on the table............


Out of nowhere a spatula, deftly wielded by his devoted

Mildred, came down hard and unerringly on his offending hand, imprisoning it relentlessly against the table's surface.....his crippled fingers scrabbled uselessly to retain the tantalizing cookie. "But what do you think you are doing?!!?" screeched his loving wife. "They're for the funeral!"

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Saturday, November 5, 2011

A Few Funny Newfie (Newfoundland) Sayings

Eyes like a caplin goin' offshore - (His eyes were bloodshot!)

'ere - (Here...note that some Newfies drop their h's and pick them up in front of vowels!)

Turn round, she's bind ya - (Turn around, she's behind you.)

Shockin' that is, shockin - (This should not need too much's shocking!)

Mind your mouth now - (Be careful what you are saying, usually used to tell someone their language is a little off colour.)

Giv us a bitta dat luh - (Give us some of that.)

Any mummers loud in? - (Mummers are people dressed up who visit around Christmas...this is the question they usually ask after someone answers the door.)

Ya gat da face only a mutter could luv - (You got the face only a mother could love, in other words, ugly!)

Idn't dat fulish bye - (Isn't that foolish...and of course we Newfies say bye at the end of many phrases, instead of the eh associated with Canadians!)

Owshegettinonb'ys - (How is she getting on...or how is she doing?

I'll be dere da rackley - (I'll be there in a few minutes.)

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Friday, November 4, 2011

Signs You Might be a Newfie Jedi - Funny Newfie/Star Wars Joke

You might be a Newfie Jedi if...

1.You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be witt ya by*'."
2. Your Jedi robe is made of seal skin.
3. You have ever used your light saber to quarter a moose.
4. Both wings of your X-Wing are done over with sheet metal and rivets and are covered with polybond.
5. You have ever eaten bottled Ewok.
6. You have ever used a land-speeder to get away from wildlife officers.
7. The best part of spending time on Dagobah is the great weather.
8. Even C3-PO cannot understand what you are saying.
9. You have used Jedi mind tricks to help you drag off someone from the Sundance (Bar on George Street)and Breezway (University Bar).
10. You have ever used the force to convince a Human Resources Canada officer to give you unemployment insurance checks.
11. Your father has ever said to you, "Come on by' son, come on over 'ere to the dark side and have a Black Horse (Newfoundland brewed beer) witt yer old man."
12. You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to scare off mosquitoes on May 24 weekend.
13. You have ever used the Millennium Falcon to smuggle booze and cigarettes from St. Pierre (Island belonging to France just of southern nf coast).
14. You have a Newfoundland dog painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
15. You think Andy Wells (St. John's mayor) and Brian Tobin (nf premier) are part of the dark side of the force.
16. You have ever fantasized about Danielle House wearing her hair like Princess Leia.
17. You have a trailer hitch on the back of your land speeder for hauling your trailer to gravel pits.
18. Chewbacca is the lead of your dog sled team.
19. You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with snowmobile skis.
20. You were the only person drinking Newfie Screech during the cantina scene.
21. If you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father ... tell me what the hell your mother's getting on with by'?!"

"Boy" is pronounced "by".

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Funny Newfie Joke! - Skydiving Newfie

A newfie wanted to learn how to sky dive. He got an instructor and started lessons. The instructor told the newfie to jump out of the plane and pull his rip cord. The instructor then explained that he himself would jump out right behind him so that they would go down together. The newfie understood and was ready. The time came to have the newfie jump from the air plane. The instructor reminded him that he would be right behind him. The newfie proceeded to jump from the plane and after being in the air for a few seconds pulled the rip cord. The instructor followed by jumping from the plane. The instructor pulled his rip cord but the parachute did not open. The instructor, frantically trying to get his parachute open, darted past the newfie. The newfie seeing this yelled, as he undid the straps to his parachute, "So you wanna race, eh?"

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Newfie Sandwich - Funny Newfie Joke

A English man, a french man and a newfie are all constructions workers. One day at lunch time English man opens his lunch box and finds a peanut butter sandwich and say "if my wife makes me one more peanut butter sandwich, I'm gonna jump off this building and kill myself. The french man opens up his lunch box and finds a tuna sandwich and says "if my wife makes me one more tuna sandwich, I'm gonna jump off this building and kill myself". Then the Newfie opens up his lunch box and finds and egg salad sandwich and says"if my wife makes me one more egg salad sanwich, I'm gonna jump off this building and kill myself.

Sure enough, the next day at lunch, they all get the same sandwiches and plunge to their deaths. A few days later, at the funerals, the english mans wife says "only if he told me he didn't like peanut butter sandwiches" The french mans wife says"only if he told me he didn't like tuna sanwiches". Thw newfie man's wife then says "but I don't understand, he's been making his own lunches for weeks!"

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

These Three Guys - Newfoundland Joke LOL!

Newfie Joke!!

There were three guys, a Torontonian, an American and a Newfie. They were all going to be executed. The executioner said that since all three were to be executed that night, they would each get to choose the method by which they would die.
Their choices were: lethal injection, electric chair or by hanging. The American was afraid of needles and didn't want to be hanged, so he chose the electric chair. He sat in the chair and they pulled the switch and nothing happened. The executioner said that if this happens a second time that he could go free. They tried a second time and again nothing happened, so they set him free.
The guy from Toronto was also afraid of needles and didn't want to be hanged so he too chose the electric chair. Once again, the chair didn't work and he was free.
Next it was the Newfie's turn to pick how he was to be executed. He said, "I'm afraid of needles, the electric chair won't work so you're going to have to hang me."

Another hilarious funny jokes website:
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