Newfie Jokes in Newfie Slang!

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Thursday, April 24, 2008

Newfie Horse

A feller from St. John's drove his car into a ditch out around da bay. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.

Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

"Well... Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Newfie Job Interview

A Newfie went into the fish market to apply for a job.

The boss thought to himself, "I'm not hiring that newf", so he decided to set a test for the Newfie hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.

The first question was, "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
Newfie says, "Dat's easy" and proceeds to draw three trees.
The boss says, "What in the world is that?"
Newfie says, "Tree 'n tree 'n tree makes nine."
"Fair enough" says the boss.

"Second question, same rules, but represent 99".
Newfie stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree.
"Der ya go bye," he says.
The boss scratches his head and asks, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
Newfie answers, "Each tree is dirty now, so it's dirty tree 'n dirty tree 'n dirty tree - dat 99."

The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire the newf so he says, "All right, question number 3. Same rules again, but this time represent the number 100."
Newfie stares into space again, then he shouts, "I got it!" He makes a little mark at the base
of each tree and says, "Der ya go sir -100."
The boss looks at Newfie's attempt and thinks, "Ha! got him this time."
He then tells Newfie, "Go on, Newfie, you must be crazy if you think that represents a 100."
Newfie leans forward and points to the little marks at the tree bases and says, "A little dog comes along and craps by each tree, so now ya got dirty tree an' a turd, dirty tree an' a turd, and dirty tree an' a turd, which makes 100. When do I start me job?"

... more funny jokes, humor and funny pictures at Funniest Jokes Ever

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Saturday, April 5, 2008

Signs You Might Be a Newfie Jedi

You might be a Newfie Jedi if.....

1.You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be witt ya by*'."

2. Your Jedi robe is made of seal skin.

3. You have ever used your light saber to quarter a moose.

4. Both wings of your X-Wing are done over with sheet metal and rivets and are covered with polybond.

5. You have ever eaten bottled Ewok.

6. You have ever used a land-speeder to get away from wildlife officers.

7. The best part of spending time on Dagobah is the great weather.

8. Even CP-3O cannot understand what you are saying.

9. You have used Jedi mind tricks to help you drag off someone from the Sundance (Bar on George Street) and Breezeway (University Bar).

10. You have ever used the force to convince a Human Resources Canada officer to give you unemployment insurance checks.

11. Your father has ever said to you, "Come on by' son, come on over 'ere to the dark side and have a Black Horse (Newfoundland brewed beer) witt yer old man."

12. You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to scare off mosquitoes on May 24 weekend.

13. You have ever used the Millennium Falcon to smuggle booze and cigarettes from St. Pierre (Island belonging to France just of southern nf coast).

14. You have a Newfoundland dog painted on the hood of your land-speeder.

15. You think Andy Wells (St. John's mayor) and Brian Tobin (nf premier) are part of the dark side of the force.

16. You have ever fantasized about Danielle House wearing her hair like Princess Leia.+

17. You have a trailer hitch on the back of your land speeder for hauling your trailer to gravel pits.

18. Chewbacca is the lead of your dog sled team.

19. You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with snowmobile skis.

20. You were the only person drinking Newfie Screech during the cantina scene.

21. If you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father ... tell me what the hell your mother's getting on with by'?!"

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Newfie BRAIN -- LOL!!!

An Albertan decided he wanted to be a Newfie. So he went to a neurosurgeon and asked, “Is there anything you can do to me that would make me into a Newfie?”

“Sure, its' easy,” replied the neurosurgeon. “All I have to do is cut out one-third of your brain. Then you'll be a Newfie.”

The Albertan was very pleased and immediately underwent the operation. However, the surgeon's knife slipped, and instead of cutting out one-third of the patient's brain, the surgeon accidentally cut out two-thirds of the patient's brain.

The neurosurgeon was terribly remorseful. He waited impatiently at the patient's bedside as the patient recovered from the anaesthetic. As soon as the patient was conscious, the neurosurgeon said to him, “I'm terribly sorry, but there was a ghastly accident. Instead of cutting out one-third of your brain, I accidentally cut out two-thirds of your brain.”

The patient replied, “Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit, monsieur?”

Another hilarious funny jokes website:
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