Newfie Jokes in Newfie Slang!

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Thursday, December 22, 2011

Funny Newfie Version of Survivor

Did you know dat' NTV is making a Newfie show of Survivor". These are the rules by's:

All Newfies gotta take an obstacle course around Newfoundland and Labrador. They gotta go from St. John's to Port aux Basques, then back to Corner Brook, then to St. Anthony, where they swim across the channel to Labrador. From there dey' go to Goose Bay, Labrador City, and swim across the channel to Newfieland once again. Down the Northern Peninsula dey' go, stopping for coffee at Tim Hortons in every Tims dey find until dey' reach the finish line right smacl in da' middle of Newfoundland... Buchans!

Dey' gotta drive a four wheeler. On da' bumper sticker it says:


Whoever gets dere' first id da' winner, and gets a 2 loads a wood, two rabbits, and 8 bottles of moose (donated by someones grandmudder').

One contestant was gonna travel on dis' bike but could't get his bike lock untied!

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Friday, December 16, 2011

Funny Newfie Cab Driver Joke and Picture

A newfie in a Gullivers taxi cab wanted to ask the taxi driver something and tapped him on da shoulder. The driver yelled, lost control of da' cab and stopped just in time.

The taxi driver said, "Don't ever dat again by'. You scared the livin' daylights outta me by'."

The passenger apologized and said he as sorry, he didn't expect da driver to be scared so much.

The taxi driver replied, "Not really yer fault by', dis' is my first day ever drivin' - I was a hearse driver for the past 25 years."

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Newfie Snowstorm Picture and Funny Fishing Joke

Four married gentlemen go fishing. One of them was a Newfie. After an hour, the following conversation took place.

First guy: " You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."

Second guy: " that's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."

Third guy: " Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."

They continue to fish when they realized that the Newfie has not said a word. So they asked him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. " What's the deal?"

Newfie: " I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the missus a nudge and said, " Fishing or S*x" and she said, " Wear a Sweater."

Newfoundland Snowstorm

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Funny Newfie Joke - Throwing Away Nails

Throwing Away Nails 

Two newfies are building a shed. One newf is putting on siding. The newfie nails one nail in a throws the other away. He nails another in with his hammer, then tosses the other. After awhile the other comes over and says..." We needs those nails by' ... why throw them away?" The newfie says, "Every one were pointed at the wrong side." The other newfie gets mad and says, "You stun, those' are fer the other side of da' shed by'.

Hahaha! Dat' wuz a funny newfie joke!

Newfie Limo

Newfie Limo Funny Picture!

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Funny Christmas Newfie Joke and Funny Santa Picture

Newfie Joke - Christmas!

Three men died on Christmas Eve and dey' were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The man frum Nova Scotia fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said. The man frum Saskatchewan reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook dem' and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The Newfie started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter gawked at da' man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'

The Newfie replied, 'Dese are Carols.'    LOL!!!

Funny Picture of Santa!

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Monday, December 5, 2011

Hitched Newfie Sailor - Funny Newfie Joke

Funny Joke - Newfie Hitched 

Newfie girls should like this funny joke!

A brand new hitched Newfie sailor is told by the Canadian Armed Forces that they wants him to go fight the war in Iraq for 2 full years. A long time after he gets there he gets to a missin' his new wifey, so he writes her a love letter.

"My sweet newfie bride," he writes, "we been apart for sooo long. I misses you so bad and our troop  by good lookin', native gals. The temptation’s real bad. I needs someting else to do, to keep me brain off of dem'."

His wife mails him a fiddle with a letter reading, "You gots to get to learning dis'"

When the Newfie finally gets home, he scurries into his wife's arms. "Me doll" he says, "I can’t wait to get you into bed to do wat' i've been missing!"

But his wife suddenly stops him. "First, you gotta play me a tune wit' dat' fiddle."

HaHaHa! Dat' wuz a funny joke!

Newfie Pizza

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Saturday, December 3, 2011

Funny Homer Simpson Sayings and Funny Simpsons Picture!

Funny Homer Simpson Quotes!

  • All my life I've had one dream, to achieve my many goals.
  • But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.
  • 'To Start Press Any Key'. Where's the ANY key?
  • I'm never going to be disabled. I'm sick of being so healthy.
  • Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?
  • Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.
  • Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.
  • Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.
  • Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
  • I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!
  • Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
  • When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.
Like these funny jokes

You may want to check out...
Newfoundland Wife Duties

Funny Homer Simpson Picture

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Two Newfies in Home Hardware - Funny Newfie Joke

Another Funny Newfie Joke

Two Newfoundlanders, one of them old and and the other young, push their shopping carts around Home Hardware and bang into each other.

The older one says to the younger, "I'm very sorry. I was distracted while looking for the wife, wans't paying attention."

The young Newfie says, "I'm looking for mine too! That's a coincidence!"

The older Newfoundlander says, "Maybe I can help you, and you help me. What does she look like?"

 "My wife is 24 years old, blue eyes, tall, with blonde hair, big bo*bs , long legs... How does your wife look?" .

The older says, "You don't want to know... I'll help you look for yours!"

Like this FUNNY Newfie Joke? Check out this one...

Funny Polar Bear Picture

Polar Bears Camping Funny Picture!

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Friday, December 2, 2011

Funny Newfoundland Sayings

Funny Newfoundland Sayings

I'll be dere d'rackly
(I'll be there right away)

What a snarl!!
(extreme mess)

Well we rolled at dat; well we handy 'bout died
(Found something extremely funny)

What a feed
(a great meal)

More Funny Newfie Sayings

You can forget 'bout dat, ol' man
(annoyed with what someone just said)

Who knit ya?
(Where did you come from? or Who made you?)

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Skipper Died Newfie Joke

Skipper Died Funny Newfie Joke

When Buddyfeller went to the newspaper to submit a notice in the obituaries, the clerk asked Buddyfeller if he had some stuff to say about his friend Skipper.

'Skipper died' is enough to put der'."

"Is that it?" asked the clerk.

" You know there's lots to say about your friend.... but if money is the issue, the first 5 words are completely free"

Buddyfeller thought about it for awhile said, " O.K. I got it! Put down 'Skipper died. Boat for sale."

Funny Newfie Boat

Funny Boat Newfie

Another hilarious funny jokes website:
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