Newfie Jokes! and all da' FUNNIEST pictures!: Tiger Wood's Balls

Friday, October 14, 2011

Tiger Wood's Balls - Funny Newfie Joke

Tiger Woods on the Prowl... Har Har Har!!

Sent on a golf tour in Newfie, Tiger Woods drives his new Ford Fusion into a petrol station in a remote part of the countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Newfoundlander manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.

"Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant.

Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.

"What are dose?" Asks the attendant.

"They're called tees," replies Tiger.

"Well, what on god's earth are dey for?" inquires the attendant.

"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.

"Lardthunderin!", says the Newfoundlander, "Ford tinks of everyting!"

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Worlds Funniest Pictures by Newfie Jokes

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How"s everyting" goin"?

...You arite er' wa'?

... Wat are ya at, by'???
How's da missus?

Anyway, lets get to talkin' aboot what this place is fer. This spot is spose to be the hugest online conglomeration (big word fer me) of Newfie Jokes in da' ole universe. Might not be yit, but we're gitten' there.

That's why we need your help.

We wants Newfs frum all over the ole planet to come right on over...(don't be slow about it now)We need all the Newfie jokes and funny Newfie pictures we can lay a hold of. We'll post em all on ere fer all da mainlanders to see.

We're Newfs and wer' proud of it, id'n we? Let's show em dat, and da fact that we're not afraid to poke a little fun at ourselves.

Newfoundland Survival Kit

If you are considering a visit to Canada's youngest province, here are a few survial tips:

a) Memorize all of the jokes at this blog. Every Newfoundlander will be impressed that you have taken the time to learn about our culture and can quote these jokes verbatum.

b) Always refer to a Newfoundlander as "Newfie", otherwise you will be considered snobbish.

c) Until you are more familiar with Newfoundland and it's history stick to safe topics when talking to Newfoundladers. A good opening line might be: "I hear unemployment is high in Newfoundland" or "My brother Jack works with a Newfoundlander in Brooks Alberta".

d) Learn how to pronounce Newfoundland. Many Canadians pronounce Newfoundland as "Newf-And-Land", sort of like Understand. This won't get you many friends. The correct pronunciation is "New-Fun-Lin". If you remember any of these tips, make sure it is this one.

e) Don't visit a bar on Monday evening, it will be empty as everyone will be at home watching "This Hour Has 22 Minutes". Also look through the TV Guide to see if "Land and Sea" is on, another good time to stay at home.

f) If you do visit a night club be sure to ask for Screech. You will insult the bartender by asking for anything else. Newfoundlanders are like the Scots when it comes to their national drink. It's a fact the average Newfoundlander drinks Screech with every meal.

g) If you don't get to visit Newfoundland, but meet a Newfoundlander during your visit to Toronto, remember to compliment him/her on the province. A good example would be: "Your from Newfoundland, I love the Maritimes, I visited Nova Scotia two years ago".

Newfie Jokes in Newfie Slang!

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Friday, October 14, 2011

Tiger Wood's Balls - Funny Newfie Joke

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