One Smart Newfie Logger - Har, Har - Funny!

Newfie decides to travel across Canada to see the Pacific Ocean. When he gets to Nanaimo, he likes the place so much that he decides to stay. But first he must find a job.

He walks into the MacMillan-Bloedel office and fills out an application as an 'experienced' logger. It's his lucky day. They just happen to be looking for someone. But first, the bush foreman takes him for a ride in the bush in the company pickup truck to see how much he knows. The foreman stops the truck on the side of the road and points at a tree.

"See that tree over there? I want you to tell me what species it is and how many board feet of lumber it contains."
The Newfie promptly answers, "It's a Sitka spruce and contains 383 board feet of lumber."

The foreman is impressed. He puts the truck in motion and stops again about a mile down the road. He points at another tree through the passenger door window. and asks the same question. This time, it's a bigger tree of a different class.
"It's a Douglas fir and has 690 board feet," says the Newfie.

Now the foreman is really impressed. The Newfie has answered quickly and got the answers right without even using a calculator! One more test. They drive a little farther down the road, and the foreman stops again. This time, he points across the road through his driver side window.
"And what about that one?"
Before the foreman finishes pointing, the Newfie says, "A cedar, 242 board feet."

The foreman spins the truck around and heads back to the office. He's a little ticked off because he thinks that the Newfie is smarter than he. As they near the office, the foreman stops the truck and asks the Newfie to step outside.

He hands him a piece of chalk and tells him, "See that tree over there. I want you to mark an X on the front of that tree."
The foreman thinks to himself, "Idiot! How does he know which is the front of the tree?"

When the Newfie reaches the tree, he goes around it in a circle while looking at the ground. He then reaches up and places a white X on the trunk. He runs back to the foreman and hands him the chalk.
"That is the front of the tree," the Newfie states.

The foreman laughs to himself and asks sarcastically, "How in the world do you know that's the front of the tree?"

The Newfie looks down at this feet, while moving the toe of his left boot clockwise in the gravel, replies, "Cuz someone took a crap behind it."

He got the job...


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Showing A Horse - LOL - This One's Pretty Funny

There was a guy he walked into this bar. On the door it read "If you can make my horse laugh then I will give you $50".

So he walked up to the bar tender and said I can make your horse laugh. So he went out in the back alley and came back and the horse was laughing. So the bar tender said a deal is a deal and gave him his $50.

Then about three months later the same guy came back into this bar and say a sign on the door it read: If you can make my horse cry then I will give you $50.

So he walked up to the bar tender and said I can make your horse laugh. So he went in to the back alley and made the horse cry. He came back in and the bar tender said a deal is a deal but first tell me how you hade my horse laugh and cry. He said to make him laugh I told him mine is bigger than his. To make him cry I showed him!

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

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Couple of good newfie jokes

Its ben' a while since I've had a chance to post some good Newfoundland jokes on here.

Ere's a couple of real funny ones to make up fer lost time!

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Newfies Make Good Astronauts, eh!

Q: Why do Newfies make good astronauts?

A: They took up space in school.

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Did you hear about the Newfie who was ecstatic
that he finished a jigsaw puzzle in 87 days?

On the box it said three to five years.

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes

Funny Newfoundland Joke - Fascinate or Fasten Eight?

There were three newfies interviewing for the same job.

They had scheduled appointments one after the other.

The first Newfie was called into the office, and was told that all he had to do was answer a skill testing question.

So he said; "ok, what is it?"

The interviewer said; "I would like you to make a question using the word 'sweater'."

The Newfie said "ok, my mother........knitted me...... a nice sweater."

The interviewer said "Very good. I will get back to you."

As the Newfie was leaving he was told to send the next Newfie in.

So, when they met, the second Newfie asked the first one what he had to do.

So the first one said that he had to make a sentence using the word "sweater" in it.

So, the second the Newfie walked into the interviewing room, he said; "My mother knitted me a nice sweater!"

The interviewer was suspicious, so when the third Newfie came in he said; "I would like you to make a sentence using the word 'fascinate'."

He said; "My mother.....knitted me a nice sweater........ with ten buttons.....but I can only fasten eight.

... more funny jokes, humor and funny pictures at Funniest Jokes Ever

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Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes

Newfie Joke - Dead Rabbit

A Mainlander was driving down the highway and he ran over a rabbit. Wondering what had happened, he stopped his car and got out to look. As he is standing there, looking at the dead rabbit, a Newfie drives by. The Newfie, wondering if he can help, stops and asks the Mainlander what's up.

Mainlander I'm here visiting your fair province and I seem to have killed one of your land rodents.

Newfie looks down and sees the dead rabbit.

Newfie No problem, b'y. Hang'er down a few.

Newfie goes to his truck and returns with an aerosol spray can. He empties the spray over the rabbit. He then chucks the empty can into the ditch and sez There ya go, me son. Enjoy yer stay. He gets in his truck and is gone.

The rabbit gets up, hops 10 feet towards the woods, turns around and waves, hops 10 feet, turns around and waves, hops 10 feet and he's gone into the woods.

The Mainlander was astounded!! Wondering what the Newfie did, he got the can out of the ditch and read the label, which said Hair spray. Gauranteed to bring dead hair back to life with a permanent wave.

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes

Newfie Follower

A Newfie was hired on in a warehouse in Toronto. On his first day on the job he was approached by a Caper. "Hi Newf" the Caper said, want me to show you how to get the day off? The Newf was all ears.
"Sure," he said.

With that the Caper pushed a ladder against the wall and climbed to the top, grabbed a rafter, shimmied to the middle of the room and hung there till the foreman came along.

The foreman spotted the guy hanging from the ceiling and asked what he was doing. The Caper replied "hey I'm a light bulb, you need me".
The foreman shook his head and shouted. "Come down from there and go home for the day. Get a good rest and come back tomorrow".
The Caper climbed down and headed for the door.
The Newfie followed behind him.

"Hey" the foreman shouted, "Where do you think you're going Newf?"
The Newf replied, "I ain't working in the dark".

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes

Newfie Horse

A feller from St. John's drove his car into a ditch out around da bay. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.

Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

"Well... Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes

Newfie Job Interview

A Newfie went into the fish market to apply for a job.

The boss thought to himself, "I'm not hiring that newf", so he decided to set a test for the Newfie hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.

The first question was, "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
Newfie says, "Dat's easy" and proceeds to draw three trees.
The boss says, "What in the world is that?"
Newfie says, "Tree 'n tree 'n tree makes nine."
"Fair enough" says the boss.

"Second question, same rules, but represent 99".
Newfie stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree.
"Der ya go bye," he says.
The boss scratches his head and asks, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
Newfie answers, "Each tree is dirty now, so it's dirty tree 'n dirty tree 'n dirty tree - dat 99."

The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire the newf so he says, "All right, question number 3. Same rules again, but this time represent the number 100."
Newfie stares into space again, then he shouts, "I got it!" He makes a little mark at the base
of each tree and says, "Der ya go sir -100."
The boss looks at Newfie's attempt and thinks, "Ha! got him this time."
He then tells Newfie, "Go on, Newfie, you must be crazy if you think that represents a 100."
Newfie leans forward and points to the little marks at the tree bases and says, "A little dog comes along and craps by each tree, so now ya got dirty tree an' a turd, dirty tree an' a turd, and dirty tree an' a turd, which makes 100. When do I start me job?"

... more funny jokes, humor and funny pictures at Funniest Jokes Ever

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes