Funny Newfie Version of Survivor

Did you know dat' NTV is making a Newfie show of Survivor". These are the rules by's:

All Newfies gotta take an obstacle course around Newfoundland and Labrador. They gotta go from St. John's to Port aux Basques, then back to Corner Brook, then to St. Anthony, where they swim across the channel to Labrador. From there dey' go to Goose Bay, Labrador City, and swim across the channel to Newfieland once again. Down the Northern Peninsula dey' go, stopping for coffee at Tim Hortons in every Tims dey find until dey' reach the finish line right smacl in da' middle of Newfoundland... Buchans!

Dey' gotta drive a four wheeler. On da' bumper sticker it says:

"DANNY WILLIAMS, THE BEST PREMIER SINCE JOEY SMALLWOOD."

Whoever gets dere' first id da' winner, and gets a 2 loads a wood, two rabbits, and 8 bottles of moose (donated by someones grandmudder').

One contestant was gonna travel on dis' bike but could't get his bike lock untied!

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes

Newfie Snowstorm Picture and Funny Fishing Joke

Four married gentlemen go fishing. One of them was a Newfie. After an hour, the following conversation took place.

First guy: " You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."

Second guy: " that's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."

Third guy: " Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."

They continue to fish when they realized that the Newfie has not said a word. So they asked him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. " What's the deal?"

Newfie: " I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the missus a nudge and said, " Fishing or S*x" and she said, " Wear a Sweater."

Newfoundland Snowstorm

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Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes

Funny Newfie Joke - Throwing Away Nails

Throwing Away Nails 

Two newfies are building a shed. One newf is putting on siding. The newfie nails one nail in a throws the other away. He nails another in with his hammer, then tosses the other. After awhile the other comes over and says..." We needs those nails by' ... why throw them away?" The newfie says, "Every one were pointed at the wrong side." The other newfie gets mad and says, "You stun, those' are fer the other side of da' shed by'.

Hahaha! Dat' wuz a funny newfie joke!

Newfie Limo

Newfie Limo Funny Picture!

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Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes

Two Newfies in Home Hardware - Funny Newfie Joke

Another Funny Newfie Joke

Two Newfoundlanders, one of them old and and the other young, push their shopping carts around Home Hardware and bang into each other.

The older one says to the younger, "I'm very sorry. I was distracted while looking for the wife, wans't paying attention."

The young Newfie says, "I'm looking for mine too! That's a coincidence!"

The older Newfoundlander says, "Maybe I can help you, and you help me. What does she look like?"

 "My wife is 24 years old, blue eyes, tall, with blonde hair, big bo*bs , long legs... How does your wife look?" .

The older says, "You don't want to know... I'll help you look for yours!"

Like this FUNNY Newfie Joke? Check out this one...

http://newfiejoke.blogspot.com/2007/03/newfie-jedi.html

Funny Polar Bear Picture

Polar Bears Camping Funny Picture!

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Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes

Funny Newfie Joke - Newfie Fishing Joke! Funny Picture - Trippy fingers

Three Newfies are fishing by a river with fishing poles with the lines casting away. A Newfie Game Warden sneaks up, and says, "Hey by', You's got fishing licenses?"
"Got none atall'," said the first Newfie.
"Well, if your gonna go fishing, you needs fisherman licenses by's," exclaimed the Game Warden.
"But Mr. officer," said the second Newfie, "we weren't fishing. We gots magnets near the end of our fishing lines and we're gettin' stuff under da' brook."
The Game Warden pulled on the lines... there were big ol' magnets righ ton the end of each line.
"Yes by's, knows der's no laws against it," exclaimed the Newfie Game Warden. "Get all the stuff ya wants by's." Then he just left.
When they knew the Game Warden was completely gone, the 3 Newfies started laughing like crazy. "He's a real stun' Fish Coppper," one said to the rest, "he never knew that der' are steelheads in dis' brook?"

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes

Newfoundland Wife Duties - Funny Newfie Joke!

Newfoundland Wife Duties - Funny Newfie Joke!

Three men from Ontario were sitting together one day bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.

The first man had married a woman from Quebec and had told her that she was going to have to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Manitoba. He had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a girl from Newfoundland. He told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything,but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little bit out of his left eye, enough to fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.

If a Man Speaks in the Forest
and there is no Woman
there to Hear...
Is He Still Wrong?
FUNNY Sign! LOL! 

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Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes

Woman Drivers Hilarious Pic and Funny Jokes! LOL!

Funny Woman Driver Hokes!

Policeman: ‘When I saw you coming round that bend I thought, “Forty-five at least”.’

Woman driver: ‘Well, I always look older in this hat.’

“We bumped into some old friends yesterday, my wife was driving.”

Wife: “There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburettor.”

Husband: “Water in the carburettor? That’s plain daft.”

Wife: “I’m telling you the car has water in the carburettor.”

Husband: “Don’t be silly, You don’t even know what a carburettor is. Where’s the car?”

Wife: “In next door’s swimming pool.”

“Nothing confuses a man more than a woman driver who does everything right.”

More funny jokes, hilarious videos, lol pictures at Funniest Jokes Ever!

New Seatbelt Design!
45% Less Car Accidents! LOL!

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Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes

Google Chrome Gun Comparison Funny Picture

'Eres a joke fer ya's...

What is Internet Explorer?

1. One of the most amazing tools for downloading Google Chrome.
2. Microsoft’s pre-installed, default internet browser for Windows. Has to be the worst browser on earth, because its only features are free viruses, automatic spyware downloads, and awesome security holes.The best part about Internet Explorer is that it forced companies, such as Mozilla and Opera, to make their own browsers, which completely and utterly blow Internet Explorer out of the water.
3. A great program that lets you download viruses.
   
   
   Bob: w00t, I’m downloading 500+ viruses a minute on internet explorer!
   
   
   Jeff: Lololllolololllololollolz0rz! Inronetz explo0dr is liek fu*kin’, sh!t. lolololollolololo!!!!!!1!!1!11111!!11! XD

More funny jokes, hilarious videos, and pictures lol.. at Funniest Jokes Ever...

Google Chrome GUNS compared with other browsers,
Internet Explorer, Opera, Safari, Firefox

Anyone check out Google+ yet? Pretty cool... My Google+ Page... add me to ya circles by's!

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Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes

Funny Moose Picture and Newfie Patch Joke!

Two newfs are driving, both enjoying a bottle of black horse, when a cop pulls them over. The newf in the passenger seat says "he's got us now by, what are we gonna do?".

The driver assures the passenger that they have nothing to worry about and tells him to follow his lead and say nothing.

So, the driver peals the lable off the bottle of beer, licks the back of the lable, sticks it to his forehead, and puts the bottle under his seat; the passenger follows suit. The police officer approaches the drivers window and asks for his licence and registration.

As the driver gives the officer his info the officer asks whether he or the passenger had been drinking at all that night, and the driver points to his forehead and responds, "Oh no sir, we's on da patch ya see!".

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Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes

Huge Moose Chasing Tourist! Funny!

Look Behind You!!! Its a Moose!

Get in the van by's! We'll be safe in der'
. (Don't think so... LOL!)

Funny pictures of a huge moose chasing some tourists....

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Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes

Funny Newfie Pictures by's!! What a Laugh!!

Newfie Bike Lock Har Har Har!!

Newfie Paramedics!! Are dey STUN er wa?!

Newfoundland Revolver!
ONLY USED ONCE!!

How many Newfies does it take to go ice fishing? Four. One to cut a hole in the ice and three to put the boat through.

How did the first Newfie get to Toronto? Some were playing hockey on the frozen-over Gulf of St. Lawrence and one of them got a breakaway.

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes

Tiger Wood's Balls - Funny Newfie Joke

Tiger Woods on the Prowl... Har Har Har!!

Sent on a golf tour in Newfie, Tiger Woods drives his new Ford Fusion into a petrol station in a remote part of the countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Newfoundlander manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.



"Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant.

Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.

"What are dose?" Asks the attendant.

"They're called tees," replies Tiger.

"Well, what on god's earth are dey for?" inquires the attendant.

"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.

"Lardthunderin!", says the Newfoundlander, "Ford tinks of everyting!"

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes

Funny Newfie Love Poem and Funny Picture LOL

Susie tobin fell in love;

she planned to marry joe

she was so 'appy 'bout it all

she told her pappy so.

Pappy told her, susie, maid,

you'll have to find anudder.

I'd just as soon your ma don't know,

but joe is your 'alf brudder.

So susie put aside her joe

and planned to marry will,

but after telling pappy this,

he said, "dere's trouble still.

You can't marry will, my dear,

and please don't tell your mudder,

but will and joe, and several mo'

i knows is your 'alf brudder.

But mudder knew and said, my child,

just do what makes you 'appy.

Marry will or marry joe.

You hain't no kin to pappy.

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes

Newfie Beer Cooler - Fuuny Joke

Two Newfies go camping and pack a cooler with sandwiches and beer.

After three days of walking, they arrive at a great spot but realize they've forgotten a bottle opener. The first Newfie turns to the second and says, "You've gotta go back and get the opener or else we have no beer."

"No way," says the second. "By the time I get back, you will have eaten all the food."

"I promise I won't," says the Newfie. "Just hurry!"

Nine full days pass and there's still no sign of the second Newfie.

Exasperated and starving, the first Newfie digs into the sandwiches.

Suddenly, the second Newfie pops out from behind a rock and yells, "I knew it! I'm not f**king going!!!!"

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Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes

Funny Polar Bear Picture - Watch For Ice

How do you figure this polar bear would know to be careful with the sign pointing in that direction? Well, even if it was... polar bears can't read anyway.. lol

This picture of the polar bear slipping on the ice is very funny just the same.

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Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes

Mouse Calibration - This is Hilarious!

MOUSE CALIBRATION

This really works.
Is your mouse calibrated?
You should do this every few days. More often if you spend a lot of time on the computer. I was shocked to see that this works!
To re-calibrate your mouse, click and hold on the Y below. Then drag the Y toward the g If it doesn't work, you might want to clean your mouse.
Y ou dumb ass. You'll believe g anythin g
I'M SURE YOU WILL SEND THIS ALONG TO YOUR FRIENDS

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Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes

Ice Fishing Joke

How many Newfies does it take to go ice fishing?

Four. One to cut a hole in the ice and three to push the boat through.

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Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes

The Newfie Execution - Newfie Joke!

A Torontonian, an American and a Newfoundlander are involved in a grisly crime and are all sentenced to death. The executioner told them that they would each get to choose the method by which they would die.

Their choices were: lethal injection, electric chair or by hanging.

The American was afraid of needles and didn’t want to be hanged. The American chose the electric chair.

He sat in the chair and they pulled the switch and nothing happened. The executioner said that if this happens a second time that he could go free.

They tried a second time and again nothing happened so they set him free.

The guy from Toronto was also afraid of needles and didn’t want to be hanged so he too chose the electric chair.

Once again, the chair didn’t work and he was free.

Next it was the Newfoundlander’s turn to pick how he was to be executed.

He said "I'm afraid of needles, the electric chair won't work so you're going to have to hang me".

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes

Newfie Terrorist - Funny Joke

Did you hear about the Newfie terrorist who tried to blow up a school bus?

He burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe.

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Newfie Golf Course:

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Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes

Fish Dinner - Anudder Funny Newf Joke Fer Ya's

Newfie decides to travel across Canada to see the Pacific Ocean. When he gets to Nanaimo, he likes the place so much that he decides to stay. But first he must find a job.

He walks into the MacMillan-Bloedel office and fills out an application as an 'experienced' logger. It's his lucky day. They just happen to be looking for someone. But first, the bush foreman takes him for a ride in the bush in the company pickup truck to see how much he knows. The foreman stops the truck on the side of the road and points at a tree.

"See that tree over there? I want you to tell me what species it is and how many board feet of lumber it contains."
The Newfie promptly answers, "It's a Sitka spruce and contains 383 board feet of lumber."

The foreman is impressed. He puts the truck in motion and stops again about a mile down the road. He points at another tree through the passenger door window. and asks the same question. This time, it's a bigger tree of a different class.
"It's a Douglas fir and has 690 board feet," says the Newfie.

Now the foreman is really impressed. The Newfie has answered quickly and got the answers right without even using a calculator! One more test. They drive a little farther down the road, and the foreman stops again. This time, he points across the road through his driver side window.
"And what about that one?"
Before the foreman finishes pointing, the Newfie says, "A cedar, 242 board feet."

The foreman spins the truck around and heads back to the office. He's a little ticked off because he thinks that the Newfie is smarter than he. As they near the office, the foreman stops the truck and asks the Newfie to step outside.

He hands him a piece of chalk and tells him, "See that tree over there. I want you to mark an X on the front of that tree."
The foreman thinks to himself, "Idiot! How does he know which is the front of the tree?"

When the Newfie reaches the tree, he goes around it in a circle while looking at the ground. He then reaches up and places a white X on the trunk. He runs back to the foreman and hands him the chalk.
"That is the front of the tree," the Newfie states.

The foreman laughs to himself and asks sarcastically, "How in the world do you know that's the front of the tree?"

The Newfie looks down at this feet, while moving the toe of his left boot clockwise in the gravel, replies, "Cuz someone took a crap behind it."

He got the job...

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Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes