A Mainlander was driving down the highway and he ran over a rabbit. Wondering what had happened, he stopped his car and got out to look. As he is standing there, looking at the dead rabbit, a Newfie drives by. The Newfie, wondering if he can help, stops and asks the Mainlander what's up.
Mainlander I'm here visiting your fair province and I seem to have killed one of your land rodents.
Newfie looks down and sees the dead rabbit.
Newfie No problem, b'y. Hang'er down a few.
Newfie goes to his truck and returns with an aerosol spray can. He empties the spray over the rabbit. He then chucks the empty can into the ditch and sez There ya go, me son. Enjoy yer stay. He gets in his truck and is gone.
The rabbit gets up, hops 10 feet towards the woods, turns around and waves, hops 10 feet, turns around and waves, hops 10 feet and he's gone into the woods.
The Mainlander was astounded!! Wondering what the Newfie did, he got the can out of the ditch and read the label, which said Hair spray. Gauranteed to bring dead hair back to life with a permanent wave.
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Saturday, June 7, 2008
Newfie Joke - Dead Rabbit
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Newfie Follower
A Newfie was hired on in a warehouse in Toronto. On his first day on the job he was approached by a Caper. "Hi Newf" the Caper said, want me to show you how to get the day off? The Newf was all ears.
"Sure," he said.
With that the Caper pushed a ladder against the wall and climbed to the top, grabbed a rafter, shimmied to the middle of the room and hung there till the foreman came along.
The foreman spotted the guy hanging from the ceiling and asked what he was doing. The Caper replied "hey I'm a light bulb, you need me".
The foreman shook his head and shouted. "Come down from there and go home for the day. Get a good rest and come back tomorrow".
The Caper climbed down and headed for the door.
The Newfie followed behind him.
"Hey" the foreman shouted, "Where do you think you're going Newf?"
The Newf replied, "I ain't working in the dark".
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Newfie Job Interview
A Newfie went into the fish market to apply for a job.
The boss thought to himself, "I'm not hiring that newf", so he decided to set a test for the Newfie hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.
The first question was, "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
Newfie says, "Dat's easy" and proceeds to draw three trees.
The boss says, "What in the world is that?"
Newfie says, "Tree 'n tree 'n tree makes nine."
"Fair enough" says the boss.
"Second question, same rules, but represent 99".
Newfie stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree.
"Der ya go bye," he says.
The boss scratches his head and asks, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
Newfie answers, "Each tree is dirty now, so it's dirty tree 'n dirty tree 'n dirty tree - dat 99."
The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire the newf so he says, "All right, question number 3. Same rules again, but this time represent the number 100."
Newfie stares into space again, then he shouts, "I got it!" He makes a little mark at the base
of each tree and says, "Der ya go sir -100."
The boss looks at Newfie's attempt and thinks, "Ha! got him this time."
He then tells Newfie, "Go on, Newfie, you must be crazy if you think that represents a 100."
Newfie leans forward and points to the little marks at the tree bases and says, "A little dog comes along and craps by each tree, so now ya got dirty tree an' a turd, dirty tree an' a turd, and dirty tree an' a turd, which makes 100. When do I start me job?"
... more funny jokes, humor and funny pictures at Funniest Jokes Ever
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Newfie BRAIN -- LOL!!!
An Albertan decided he wanted to be a Newfie. So he went to a neurosurgeon and asked, “Is there anything you can do to me that would make me into a Newfie?”
“Sure, its' easy,” replied the neurosurgeon. “All I have to do is cut out one-third of your brain. Then you'll be a Newfie.”
The Albertan was very pleased and immediately underwent the operation. However, the surgeon's knife slipped, and instead of cutting out one-third of the patient's brain, the surgeon accidentally cut out two-thirds of the patient's brain.
The neurosurgeon was terribly remorseful. He waited impatiently at the patient's bedside as the patient recovered from the anaesthetic. As soon as the patient was conscious, the neurosurgeon said to him, “I'm terribly sorry, but there was a ghastly accident. Instead of cutting out one-third of your brain, I accidentally cut out two-thirds of your brain.”
The patient replied, “Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit, monsieur?”
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Newfie Pizza - Anudder Funny One!
Q: A Newfie ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please, I could never eat twelve pieces," replied the Newfie.
... more funny jokes, humor and funny pictures at Funniest Jokes Ever
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Smile! - Another One of Those SILLY Newfie Jokes!
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.
“First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure whilst making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector”, says the Coroner.
“Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.”
The Inspector asked, “What of the third body?”
“Ah,” says the coroner. “This is the most unusual one. Jethro, 30, from Newfoundland, struck by lightning.”
“Why is he smiling then?” inquires the Inspector.
“Thought he was having his picture taken.”
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
First Newf in Toronto - HaHaHa!!!
Q: How did the first Newfie get to Toronto?
A: A bunch of Newfies were playing hockey on the frozen-over Gulf of St. Lawrence, and one guy got a breakaway.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
You know your from Newfoundland when....
- You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup.
- You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
- The mosquitoes have landing lights.
- You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
- You have 10 favourite recipes for bottled moose.
- Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
- You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.
- You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
- Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
- You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
- You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
- The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires 6 pages for local softball scores.
- At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
- The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
- Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
- You think the start of salmon fishing season is a national holiday.
- You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
- You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
- You find -40C a little nippy.
- The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.
- You can play road hockey on skates.
- You know 4 seasons - Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.
- The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
- You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Newfie friends.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Cross-Eyed Bull - Newfie Vet's "Proctocol" Remedy
Garge owned the largest bull in Newfoundland, weighing over 3,800 pounds. The bull was a very majestic animal and was the talk of the town. Only problem was that the bull was cross-eyed and kept stumbling into things.
Garge called the town veterinarian and asked him to come out and see if something could be done to improve the bull's eyesight. The next morning, the vet showed up with a 5-foot piece of rubber hose.
"What are you gonna do with that piece of hose, Doc," asked Garge.
The vet replied, "You tie up that bull to the fence, then I think I can fix your problem".
After the bull was tied up, the vet went to the back of the bull and shoved one end of the hose up the bull's rear end. Then he proceeded to blow into the other end of the hose. Watching from the front, Garge saw the bull's eyes go bug-eyed and almost straighten out, but not quite.
After several vain attempts, Garge said, "Let me try, Doc". Then Garge pulled the hose out of the bull, and stuck the other end of the hose in the bull.
The vet shouted, "Why'd you do that?"
Garge replied, "You don't think I'm gonna put my mouth on the end you had your mouth on, do you?"
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Monday, March 3, 2008
Cheer UP!!! -- LoL - This is Funny!
[Two old Newfie friends meet at the mall…]
NEWF: “Why do you look so sad?”
Jack: “I’ve just come from the doctor. I not only have heart trouble, but I also have arthritis, high blood pressure, diabetes and a brain tumor. Any day now, I’m likely to die.”
NEWF: “It could be worse.”
Jack: “That’s what you think. My bank tells me they are going to foreclose on my mortgage. I’m bankrupt – broke.”
NEWF: “It could be worse.”
Jack: “Not only that, but my wife is suing me for divorce and intends to take the children.”
NEWF: “Well, it could be worse.”
Jack: “How could it be worse – there’s no way it could be worse…”
NEWF: “It could be me!”
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Newfie Follower - Anudder Newfoundland Joke
A Newfie was hired on in a warehouse in Toronto. On his first day on the job he was approached by a Caper. "Hi Newf" the Caper said, want me to show you how to get the day off? The Newf was all ears.
"Sure," he said.
With that the Caper pushed a ladder against the wall and climbed to the top, grabbed a rafter, shimmied to the middle of the room and hung there till the foreman came along.
The foreman spotted the guy hanging from the ceiling and asked what he was doing. The Caper replied "hey I'm a light bulb, you need me".
The foreman shook his head and shouted. "Come down from there and go home for the day. Get a good rest and come back tomorrow".
The Caper climbed down and headed for the door.
The Newfie followed behind him.
"Hey" the foreman shouted, "Where do you think you're going Newf?"
The Newf replied, "I ain't working in the dark".
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