Manhole Counter - Anudder Funny One Fer Ya's

A Newfie is jumping up and down on a manhole cover on Robson Street in Vancouver, shouting, “Forty-two, forty-two!” Along comes a Vancouverite who asks him what he's doing. The Newfie says that it's a great sport in Corner Brook to jump up and down on a manhole cover and shout, “Forty-two, forty-two!" and that the Vancouverite should try it.

After much persuasion, the Vancouverite gives in and does so, but without much enthusiasm.

“Put your heart into it,” the Newfie encourages him. “Leap high, yell it loud.”

The Vancouverite shrugs, leaps twelve feet in the air, and really screams, “Forty-two, forty-two!”

Suddenly the Newfie snatches away the manhole cover and the Vancouverite drops down the manhole and disappears in the darkness. The Newfie replaces the cover and again starts jumping up and down on it, shouting, “Forty-three, forty-three!”

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes

Funny Polar Bear Picture - Watch For Ice

How do you figure this polar bear would know to be careful with the sign pointing in that direction? Well, even if it was... polar bears can't read anyway.. lol

This picture of the polar bear slipping on the ice is very funny just the same.

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes

Smart Logger - Funny Newfie Joke

Newfie decides to travel across Canada to see the Pacific Ocean. When he gets to Nanaimo, he likes the place so much that he decides to stay. But first he must find a job.

He walks into the MacMillan-Bloedel office and fills out an application as an 'experienced' logger. It's his lucky day. They just happen to be looking for someone. But first, the bush foreman takes him for a ride in the bush in the company pickup truck to see how much he knows. The foreman stops the truck on the side of the road and points at a tree.

"See that tree over there? I want you to tell me what species it is and how many board feet of lumber it contains."
The Newfie promptly answers, "It's a Sitka spruce and contains 383 board feet of lumber."

The foreman is impressed. He puts the truck in motion and stops again about a mile down the road. He points at another tree through the passenger door window. and asks the same question. This time, it's a bigger tree of a different class.
"It's a Douglas fir and has 690 board feet," says the Newfie.

Now the foreman is really impressed. The Newfie has answered quickly and got the answers right without even using a calculator! One more test. They drive a little farther down the road, and the foreman stops again. This time, he points across the road through his driver side window.
"And what about that one?"
Before the foreman finishes pointing, the Newfie says, "A cedar, 242 board feet."

The foreman spins the truck around and heads back to the office. He's a little ticked off because he thinks that the Newfie is smarter than he. As they near the office, the foreman stops the truck and asks the Newfie to step outside.

He hands him a piece of chalk and tells him, "See that tree over there. I want you to mark an X on the front of that tree."
The foreman thinks to himself, "Idiot! How does he know which is the front of the tree?"

When the Newfie reaches the tree, he goes around it in a circle while looking at the ground. He then reaches up and places a white X on the trunk. He runs back to the foreman and hands him the chalk.
"That is the front of the tree," the Newfie states.

The foreman laughs to himself and asks sarcastically, "How in the world do you know that's the front of the tree?"

The Newfie looks down at this feet, while moving the toe of his left boot clockwise in the gravel, replies, "Cuz someone took a crap behind it."

He got the job...


... more funny jokes, humor and funny pictures at Funniest Jokes Ever

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Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes

Funny Dear Garge Letter/ Tall Giraffe

Dear Garge Letter

A young Newfoundland girl,
on a year training course in South Africa, recently received a "Dear Garge" letter from her boyfriend back home in St. John's. It read as follows:

Dear Mary,

I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.

Love,
Garge

Upset, Mary asked her colleagues for any snapshots they could spare of their boyfriends, brothers, ex-boyfriends, uncles, cousins, etc. In addition to the picture of John, Mary included all the other pictures she had collected from her buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope...along with this note:

Dear Garge,

I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.

Take Care,
Mary

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes

Funny Newfie Moose Licence Application

NEWFIE MOOSE LICENCE APPLICATION FER NEXT YEAR

AREA 36

Dept. of Toorism & Culchur
Wildlife Part, 'Ealt Science Place
Sin Jon's, The Rock

WHO'S YOU? ________________________________________
WHERE YA LIVES: _____________________________________
IS YA A: B'Y______ GIRL ______ BOTH ______ UDDER ______
IF UDDER, WHAT KIND IS YA? __________________________
WHERE'D YA MUDDER 'AVE YA AT? ______________________
WHEN WAS DIS? _____________________________________

1. If ya lives out dis way, is ya on:
Pokey ___ Welfare ___ Project ___Too lazy to get off yer arse___
2. Do ya drink? ___
3. Ow' much?
Lots___By de gallons ___Beef buckets full___Till ya passes out___
4. What kind do ya drink?
'Ome brew ___De bought stuff___Anyting ya gets ya hands on___
5. Does ya stagger much? If ya do, when do ya?
Marnin ___ Evenin ___ Ya can't walk straight atal ___
6. Is ya a alkie?
Yup ___ Nope ___ It's 'ard da say ___
7. Does ya go to AA?
Yup ___ Nope ___ What de'ell is AA? ___
8. Does ya smoke de wacky backy? ____ If not, how come?________
9. Is poachin' a sin? ______ Fer 'oo? ________________
10. Does yer know what sex is? If ya does, when does ya git any?
All de time___Whenever ya kin git it___Not dat often b'y___
11. 'Ow much money does ya 'ave?
I's rotten in da stuff___A bit___Haven got a cent___None of yer
bloody business ___
12. Does ya tink dat dis ting is too 'ard ta fill out?
Yup ___ Nope ___Ya got someone else da fill it out fer ya___

ANSWER DEM QUESTIONS UNNERNEAT TRU OR NOT

1. When dey runs, Bull Mooses got tree legs.
Tru ___ Not ___
2. Out dis way, nobody shoots mooses when deys not spose ta.
Tru ___ Not ___
3. Jawbones offa mooses is senta where dem people is starvin.
Tru ___ Not ___
4. AIDS is one a dem 'Care Packs'.
Tru ___ Not ___
5. Ye can shoot anyting longs ya got any kinda licence atall.
Tru ___ Not ___

SEN DIS TA WHERE IT SAY TA ON TOP AN' MAKE SURE YA DOS BEFORE
CHRISTMAS DA NEXT YEAR.
YA DON'T AVE TA SEN YER MONEY NOW,
WAIT TILL YA GITS YER LICENCE.

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes

Following Doctor's orders can be a 'tunderin' experience...

A Newfie was terribly overweight, so his Doctor put him on a diet.

“I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.”

When the Newfie returned, he shocked the Doctor by having lost nearly 60 pounds!

“Why, that's amazing!” the Doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?”

The Newfie nodded. “I'll tell you though, by the tunderin, I t'aut I were going to drop dead dat 3rd day.”

“From hunger, you mean?”

“No, from skippin'!”

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes