Bank Robbery on Crutches and Mainland Tourist Joke

A mainland tourist, from "up along", chatting with an elder Newfoundland Fisherman, asked him if he had any sons to help him. The fisherman replied "Yes Sir, I have two living
and one in Toronto."

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Mouse Calibration - This is Hilarious!

MOUSE CALIBRATION

This really works.
Is your mouse calibrated?
You should do this every few days. More often if you spend a lot of time on the computer. I was shocked to see that this works!
To re-calibrate your mouse, click and hold on the Y below. Then drag the Y toward the g If it doesn't work, you might want to clean your mouse.
Y ou dumb ass. You'll believe g anythin g
I'M SURE YOU WILL SEND THIS ALONG TO YOUR FRIENDS

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Newfie 911 - Funny Newfoundland Joke

NEWFIE 911

Two Newfie buddies are walking home from the local pub when one of them drops to the side walk holding his chest. His budy quickly grabs the cell phone and dials 9-1-1.The Operator immediately asks: 'What is the emergency and where are you?'The Newfie buddy replies:' I don't know what happened, we were walkinghome on Eucalyptus street and my friend grabbed his chest and fell down!'

The operator asked: 'How do you spell the name of the street?' The phone seemed to go dead. The operator now really concerned kept shouting because she could hear him panting! Finally he came back on the line and said: 'I dragged him over to Oak street, that's O-A-K.'

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Ice Fishing Joke

How many Newfies does it take to go ice fishing?

Four. One to cut a hole in the ice and three to push the boat through.

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The Newfie Execution - Newfie Joke!

A Torontonian, an American and a Newfoundlander are involved in a grisly crime and are all sentenced to death. The executioner told them that they would each get to choose the method by which they would die.

Their choices were: lethal injection, electric chair or by hanging.

The American was afraid of needles and didn’t want to be hanged. The American chose the electric chair.

He sat in the chair and they pulled the switch and nothing happened. The executioner said that if this happens a second time that he could go free.

They tried a second time and again nothing happened so they set him free.

The guy from Toronto was also afraid of needles and didn’t want to be hanged so he too chose the electric chair.

Once again, the chair didn’t work and he was free.

Next it was the Newfoundlander’s turn to pick how he was to be executed.

He said "I'm afraid of needles, the electric chair won't work so you're going to have to hang me".

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Signs You Had Too Much Coffee - PART 3 - Joke

Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.

Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.

You’re so wired, you pick up AM radio.

People can test their batteries in your ears.

Your life’s goal is to amount to a hill of beans.

Instant coffee takes too long.

You channel surf faster without a remote.

When someone says. “How are you?”, you say, “Good to the last drop.”

You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can

You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.

Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil

You’d be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.

You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.

You’re offended when people use the word “brew” to mean beer.

You name your cats “Cream” and “Sugar.”

You get drunk just so you can sober up.

You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.

Your Thermos is on wheels.

Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.

You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

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Newfie Terrorist - Funny Joke

Did you hear about the Newfie terrorist who tried to blow up a school bus?

He burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe.

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Newfie Golf Course:

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Fish Dinner - Anudder Funny Newf Joke Fer Ya's

Newfie decides to travel across Canada to see the Pacific Ocean. When he gets to Nanaimo, he likes the place so much that he decides to stay. But first he must find a job.

He walks into the MacMillan-Bloedel office and fills out an application as an 'experienced' logger. It's his lucky day. They just happen to be looking for someone. But first, the bush foreman takes him for a ride in the bush in the company pickup truck to see how much he knows. The foreman stops the truck on the side of the road and points at a tree.

"See that tree over there? I want you to tell me what species it is and how many board feet of lumber it contains."
The Newfie promptly answers, "It's a Sitka spruce and contains 383 board feet of lumber."

The foreman is impressed. He puts the truck in motion and stops again about a mile down the road. He points at another tree through the passenger door window. and asks the same question. This time, it's a bigger tree of a different class.
"It's a Douglas fir and has 690 board feet," says the Newfie.

Now the foreman is really impressed. The Newfie has answered quickly and got the answers right without even using a calculator! One more test. They drive a little farther down the road, and the foreman stops again. This time, he points across the road through his driver side window.
"And what about that one?"
Before the foreman finishes pointing, the Newfie says, "A cedar, 242 board feet."

The foreman spins the truck around and heads back to the office. He's a little ticked off because he thinks that the Newfie is smarter than he. As they near the office, the foreman stops the truck and asks the Newfie to step outside.

He hands him a piece of chalk and tells him, "See that tree over there. I want you to mark an X on the front of that tree."
The foreman thinks to himself, "Idiot! How does he know which is the front of the tree?"

When the Newfie reaches the tree, he goes around it in a circle while looking at the ground. He then reaches up and places a white X on the trunk. He runs back to the foreman and hands him the chalk.
"That is the front of the tree," the Newfie states.

The foreman laughs to himself and asks sarcastically, "How in the world do you know that's the front of the tree?"

The Newfie looks down at this feet, while moving the toe of his left boot clockwise in the gravel, replies, "Cuz someone took a crap behind it."

He got the job...

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