Newfie Jokes in Newfie Slang!

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Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Couple of good newfie jokes




Its ben' a while since I've had a chance to post some good Newfoundland jokes on here.

Ere's a couple of real funny ones to make up fer lost time!



Newfies Make Good Astronauts, eh!

Q: Why do Newfies make good astronauts?

A: They took up space in school.


Did you hear about the Newfie who was ecstatic
that he finished a jigsaw puzzle in 87 days?

On the box it said three to five years.

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Funny Newfoundland Joke - Fascinate or Fasten Eight?




There were three newfies interviewing for the same job.

They had scheduled appointments one after the other.

The first Newfie was called into the office, and was told that all he had to do was answer a skill testing question.

So he said; "ok, what is it?"

The interviewer said; "I would like you to make a question using the word 'sweater'."

The Newfie said "ok, my mother........knitted me...... a nice sweater."

The interviewer said "Very good. I will get back to you."

As the Newfie was leaving he was told to send the next Newfie in.

So, when they met, the second Newfie asked the first one what he had to do.

So the first one said that he had to make a sentence using the word "sweater" in it.

So, the second the Newfie walked into the interviewing room, he said; "My mother knitted me a nice sweater!"

The interviewer was suspicious, so when the third Newfie came in he said; "I would like you to make a sentence using the word 'fascinate'."

He said; "My mother.....knitted me a nice sweater........ with ten buttons.....but I can only fasten eight.

... more funny jokes, humor and funny pictures at Funniest Jokes Ever

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Newfie Joke - Dead Rabbit




A Mainlander was driving down the highway and he ran over a rabbit. Wondering what had happened, he stopped his car and got out to look. As he is standing there, looking at the dead rabbit, a Newfie drives by. The Newfie, wondering if he can help, stops and asks the Mainlander what's up.

Mainlander I'm here visiting your fair province and I seem to have killed one of your land rodents.

Newfie looks down and sees the dead rabbit.

Newfie No problem, b'y. Hang'er down a few.

Newfie goes to his truck and returns with an aerosol spray can. He empties the spray over the rabbit. He then chucks the empty can into the ditch and sez There ya go, me son. Enjoy yer stay. He gets in his truck and is gone.

The rabbit gets up, hops 10 feet towards the woods, turns around and waves, hops 10 feet, turns around and waves, hops 10 feet and he's gone into the woods.

The Mainlander was astounded!! Wondering what the Newfie did, he got the can out of the ditch and read the label, which said Hair spray. Gauranteed to bring dead hair back to life with a permanent wave.

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Newfie Follower




A Newfie was hired on in a warehouse in Toronto. On his first day on the job he was approached by a Caper. "Hi Newf" the Caper said, want me to show you how to get the day off? The Newf was all ears.
"Sure," he said.

With that the Caper pushed a ladder against the wall and climbed to the top, grabbed a rafter, shimmied to the middle of the room and hung there till the foreman came along.

The foreman spotted the guy hanging from the ceiling and asked what he was doing. The Caper replied "hey I'm a light bulb, you need me".
The foreman shook his head and shouted. "Come down from there and go home for the day. Get a good rest and come back tomorrow".
The Caper climbed down and headed for the door.
The Newfie followed behind him.

"Hey" the foreman shouted, "Where do you think you're going Newf?"
The Newf replied, "I ain't working in the dark".

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Newfie Horse




A feller from St. John's drove his car into a ditch out around da bay. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.

Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

"Well... Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Newfie Job Interview

A Newfie went into the fish market to apply for a job.

The boss thought to himself, "I'm not hiring that newf", so he decided to set a test for the Newfie hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.

The first question was, "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
Newfie says, "Dat's easy" and proceeds to draw three trees.
The boss says, "What in the world is that?"
Newfie says, "Tree 'n tree 'n tree makes nine."
"Fair enough" says the boss.

"Second question, same rules, but represent 99".
Newfie stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree.
"Der ya go bye," he says.
The boss scratches his head and asks, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
Newfie answers, "Each tree is dirty now, so it's dirty tree 'n dirty tree 'n dirty tree - dat 99."

The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire the newf so he says, "All right, question number 3. Same rules again, but this time represent the number 100."
Newfie stares into space again, then he shouts, "I got it!" He makes a little mark at the base
of each tree and says, "Der ya go sir -100."
The boss looks at Newfie's attempt and thinks, "Ha! got him this time."
He then tells Newfie, "Go on, Newfie, you must be crazy if you think that represents a 100."
Newfie leans forward and points to the little marks at the tree bases and says, "A little dog comes along and craps by each tree, so now ya got dirty tree an' a turd, dirty tree an' a turd, and dirty tree an' a turd, which makes 100. When do I start me job?"

... more funny jokes, humor and funny pictures at Funniest Jokes Ever

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Signs You Might Be a Newfie Jedi




You might be a Newfie Jedi if.....
------------------------------------------------

1.You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be witt ya by*'."

2. Your Jedi robe is made of seal skin.

3. You have ever used your light saber to quarter a moose.

4. Both wings of your X-Wing are done over with sheet metal and rivets and are covered with polybond.

5. You have ever eaten bottled Ewok.

6. You have ever used a land-speeder to get away from wildlife officers.

7. The best part of spending time on Dagobah is the great weather.

8. Even CP-3O cannot understand what you are saying.

9. You have used Jedi mind tricks to help you drag off someone from the Sundance (Bar on George Street) and Breezeway (University Bar).

10. You have ever used the force to convince a Human Resources Canada officer to give you unemployment insurance checks.

11. Your father has ever said to you, "Come on by' son, come on over 'ere to the dark side and have a Black Horse (Newfoundland brewed beer) witt yer old man."

12. You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to scare off mosquitoes on May 24 weekend.

13. You have ever used the Millennium Falcon to smuggle booze and cigarettes from St. Pierre (Island belonging to France just of southern nf coast).

14. You have a Newfoundland dog painted on the hood of your land-speeder.

15. You think Andy Wells (St. John's mayor) and Brian Tobin (nf premier) are part of the dark side of the force.

16. You have ever fantasized about Danielle House wearing her hair like Princess Leia.+

17. You have a trailer hitch on the back of your land speeder for hauling your trailer to gravel pits.

18. Chewbacca is the lead of your dog sled team.

19. You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with snowmobile skis.

20. You were the only person drinking Newfie Screech during the cantina scene.

21. If you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father ... tell me what the hell your mother's getting on with by'?!"

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Newfie BRAIN -- LOL!!!




An Albertan decided he wanted to be a Newfie. So he went to a neurosurgeon and asked, “Is there anything you can do to me that would make me into a Newfie?”

“Sure, its' easy,” replied the neurosurgeon. “All I have to do is cut out one-third of your brain. Then you'll be a Newfie.”

The Albertan was very pleased and immediately underwent the operation. However, the surgeon's knife slipped, and instead of cutting out one-third of the patient's brain, the surgeon accidentally cut out two-thirds of the patient's brain.

The neurosurgeon was terribly remorseful. He waited impatiently at the patient's bedside as the patient recovered from the anaesthetic. As soon as the patient was conscious, the neurosurgeon said to him, “I'm terribly sorry, but there was a ghastly accident. Instead of cutting out one-third of your brain, I accidentally cut out two-thirds of your brain.”

The patient replied, “Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit, monsieur?”

Another hilarious funny jokes website:
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