Signs You Had Too Much Coffee - PART 2 - Joke

Your T-shirt says, “Decaffeinated coffee is the devil’s coffee.”

Your so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.

You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.

You can jump-start your car without cables.

Cocaine is a downer.

All your kids are named “Joe.”

You don’t need a hammer to pound in nails.

Your only source of nutrition comes from “Sweet & Low.”

You don’t sweat, you percolate.

You buy milk by the barrel.

You’ve worn out the handle on your favorite mug.

You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.

You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it’s not plugged in.

You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.

Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.

You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.

People get dizzy just watching you.

When you find a penny, you say, “Find a penny, pick it up. Sixty-three more, I’ll have a cup.”

You’ve worn the finish off your coffee table.

The Taster’s Choice couple wants to adopt you.

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

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FUNNY Booze/Beer WARNING Labels

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.


WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho Bob.

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Remember by's, if ya drinks, DON'T DRIVE. Take a cab or git one of these designated drivers tingmajiggers. 'Ave a safe and happy Christmas!

... more funny jokes, humor and funny pictures at Funniest Jokes Ever

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Newfie Hero - Newfie Pirate Joke

Long ago lived a Newfie seaman named Captain Bravo who sailed with the English navy. He was a manly man who showed no fear in facing his enemies. One day, a look-out spotted a pirate ship and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravo bellowed, ''Bring me my Red Shirt.'' The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt and whilst wearing the bright red frock he led his men into battle and defeated the pirates.

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Later on that day, the look-out spotted not one, but two pirate ships. The captain again called for his red shirt and once again, though the fighting was fierce, he was victorious over the two ships. That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day's triumphs and one of the them asked the captain, ''Sir, why do you call for your red shirt before battle? The captain replied, ''If I am wounded in the attack, the shirt will not show my blood and thus, you men will continue to fight, unafraid.''

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All of the men sat in silence and marveled at the courage of such a manly man as Captain Bravo. As dawn came the next morning, the look-out spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirates ships approaching from the far horizon. The crew stared at the captain and waited for his usual reply.

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Captain Bravo turned to the first mate, ''Get me my brown pants.''

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes

Cold Winter - Plus a Newfie Joke - Exhunters

A couple of Newfie hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing – his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out a cell phone and calls emergency services.

He gasps to the operator, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There is silence, then a gun shot is heard.

The guy’s voice comes back on the line.

He says, “Okay, now what?”

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes

Shareapic - Sharing Photos - PLUS Anudder Joke!

A Young, Newfoundlander man was walking around a field in Newfoundland, when he came across an old well. He walked up to the well, just to get a look. He noticed an old looking bottle in the well bucket, (which was lying on the ground). He picked it up. And suddenly a genie appeared before him. The genie said, "For freeing me, I will grant you one wish." The young man said, "Ok. I wish that there was a bridge going from Newfoundland to the mainland, you know, like the P.E.I. one." The genie said,"I am sorry, but I can't do that. That would be TOO much change. That would be ALMOST impossible. It would change too many peoples lives." So the young man thought for a second, then said, "Ok, then. I am a proud Newfoundlander, and I am sick and tired of everyone making fun of Newfound landers. SO I wish that Newfound landers were as smart, or even smarter than ANYONE else in the world. Of at least smarter than any other Canadian." The genie said, "So, do you want two lanes, or four?"

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

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For Newfie Coffee Addicts - Signs you had TOO Much Coffee!

Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.

You ski uphill.

You get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked.

You speed walk in your sleep.

You have a bumper sticker that says: “Coffee drinkers are good in the sack.”

You answer the door before people knock.

You haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

You just completed another sweater and you don’t know how to knit.

You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

You sleep with your eyes open.

You have to watch videos in fast-forward.

The only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake.

You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.

You lick your coffeepot clean.

You spend every vacation visiting “Maxwell House.”

You’re the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don’t even work there.

You’ve worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.

Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

You chew on other people’s fingernails.

The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

Another hilarious funny jokes website:

Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes

Newfie Jedi - Star Wars Newfie Joke

You might be a Newfie Jedi if.....

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1.You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be witt ya by*'."

2. Your Jedi robe is made of seal skin.

3. You have ever used your light saber to quarter a moose.

4. Both wings of your X-Wing are done over with sheet metal and rivets and are covered with polybond.
5. You have ever eaten bottled Ewok.

6. You have ever used a land-speeder to get away from wildlife officers.

7. The best part of spending time on Dagobah is the great weather.

8. Even C3-PO cannot understand what you are saying.

9. You have used Jedi mind tricks to help you drag off someone from the Sundance (Bar on George Street) and Breezway (University Bar).

10. You have ever used the force to convince a Human Resources Canada officer to give you unemployment insurance checks.

11. Your father has ever said to you, "Come on by' son, come on over 'ere to the dark side and have a Black Horse (Newfoundland brewed beer) witt yer old man."

12. You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to scare off mosquitoes on May 24 weekend.

13. You have ever used the Millennium Falcon to smuggle booze and cigarettes from St. Pierre (Island belonging to France just of southern nf coast).

14. You have a Newfoundland dog painted on the hood of your land-speeder.

15. You think Andy Wells (St. John's mayor) and Brian Tobin (nf premier) are part of the dark side of the force.

16. You have ever fantasized about Danielle House wearing her hair like Princess Leia.+

17. You have a trailer hitch on the back of your land speeder for hauling your trailer to gravel pits.

18. Chewbacca is the lead of your dog sled team.

19. You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with snowmobile skis.

20. You were the only person drinking Newfie Screech during the cantina scene.

21. If you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father ... tell me what the hell your mother's getting on with by'?!"

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Worlds Funniest Pictures  by Newfie Jokes

Canada's Worst Air Disaster - NEWFIE Joke!

Canada's worst air disaster occurred earlier this morning when a Cessna 152 (a small two-seater plane) crashed into a cemetery in central Newfoundland.

Newfie search and rescue workers have recovered 825 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

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