Why Newfoundland did not Join Iraq War

Here are some good reasons Newfoundland did not join da' Iraq war by's..

10. We fellers got no ways of gettin' over der', unless we had a yammy dat' traveled on water!

9. Too busy hunting turrs and tailin' slips to catch rabbits.

8. Dim Iraqis don't like Canadian by's.

7.Did ya know Saddam's name turned around is "Mad Ass". Dat's funny!

6. No moose to shoot over der'.

5.  No Newfie music over der' on da' radio... and no Newfie jokes!!

4. Me troutin' license is no good over der.

3. Hockey Night in Canada is in Iraqi language.

2. We needs our army right here in case of another snow storm.

1. We all has to go in da' woods to cut wood fer next winter.

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Funny Newfie Version of Survivor

Did you know dat' NTV is making a Newfie show of Survivor". These are the rules by's:

All Newfies gotta take an obstacle course around Newfoundland and Labrador. They gotta go from St. John's to Port aux Basques, then back to Corner Brook, then to St. Anthony, where they swim across the channel to Labrador. From there dey' go to Goose Bay, Labrador City, and swim across the channel to Newfieland once again. Down the Northern Peninsula dey' go, stopping for coffee at Tim Hortons in every Tims dey find until dey' reach the finish line right smacl in da' middle of Newfoundland... Buchans!

Dey' gotta drive a four wheeler. On da' bumper sticker it says:

"DANNY WILLIAMS, THE BEST PREMIER SINCE JOEY SMALLWOOD."

Whoever gets dere' first id da' winner, and gets a 2 loads a wood, two rabbits, and 8 bottles of moose (donated by someones grandmudder').

One contestant was gonna travel on dis' bike but could't get his bike lock untied!

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Funny Newfie Cab Driver Joke and Picture

A newfie in a Gullivers taxi cab wanted to ask the taxi driver something and tapped him on da shoulder. The driver yelled, lost control of da' cab and stopped just in time.

The taxi driver said, "Don't ever dat again by'. You scared the livin' daylights outta me by'."

The passenger apologized and said he as sorry, he didn't expect da driver to be scared so much.

The taxi driver replied, "Not really yer fault by', dis' is my first day ever drivin' - I was a hearse driver for the past 25 years."

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Newfie Snowstorm Picture and Funny Fishing Joke

Four married gentlemen go fishing. One of them was a Newfie. After an hour, the following conversation took place.

First guy: " You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."

Second guy: " that's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."

Third guy: " Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."

They continue to fish when they realized that the Newfie has not said a word. So they asked him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. " What's the deal?"

Newfie: " I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the missus a nudge and said, " Fishing or S*x" and she said, " Wear a Sweater."

Newfoundland Snowstorm

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Funny Newfie Joke - Throwing Away Nails

Throwing Away Nails 

Two newfies are building a shed. One newf is putting on siding. The newfie nails one nail in a throws the other away. He nails another in with his hammer, then tosses the other. After awhile the other comes over and says..." We needs those nails by' ... why throw them away?" The newfie says, "Every one were pointed at the wrong side." The other newfie gets mad and says, "You stun, those' are fer the other side of da' shed by'.

Hahaha! Dat' wuz a funny newfie joke!

Newfie Limo

Newfie Limo Funny Picture!

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Funny Christmas Newfie Joke and Funny Santa Picture

Newfie Joke - Christmas!

Three men died on Christmas Eve and dey' were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The man frum Nova Scotia fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said. The man frum Saskatchewan reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook dem' and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The Newfie started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter gawked at da' man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'

The Newfie replied, 'Dese are Carols.'    LOL!!!

Funny Picture of Santa!

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Hitched Newfie Sailor - Funny Newfie Joke

Funny Joke - Newfie Hitched 

Newfie girls should like this funny joke!

A brand new hitched Newfie sailor is told by the Canadian Armed Forces that they wants him to go fight the war in Iraq for 2 full years. A long time after he gets there he gets to a missin' his new wifey, so he writes her a love letter.

"My sweet newfie bride," he writes, "we been apart for sooo long. I misses you so bad and our troop  by good lookin', native gals. The temptation’s real bad. I needs someting else to do, to keep me brain off of dem'."

His wife mails him a fiddle with a letter reading, "You gots to get to learning dis'"

When the Newfie finally gets home, he scurries into his wife's arms. "Me doll" he says, "I can’t wait to get you into bed to do wat' i've been missing!"

But his wife suddenly stops him. "First, you gotta play me a tune wit' dat' fiddle."

HaHaHa! Dat' wuz a funny joke!

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Funny Homer Simpson Sayings and Funny Simpsons Picture!

Funny Homer Simpson Quotes!

• All my life I've had one dream, to achieve my many goals.
• But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.
• 'To Start Press Any Key'. Where's the ANY key?
• I'm never going to be disabled. I'm sick of being so healthy.
• Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?
• Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.
• Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.
• Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.
• Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
• I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!
• Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
• When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.

Like these funny jokes? 

You may want to check out...
Newfoundland Wife Duties

Funny Homer Simpson Picture

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Two Newfies in Home Hardware - Funny Newfie Joke

Another Funny Newfie Joke

Two Newfoundlanders, one of them old and and the other young, push their shopping carts around Home Hardware and bang into each other.

The older one says to the younger, "I'm very sorry. I was distracted while looking for the wife, wans't paying attention."

The young Newfie says, "I'm looking for mine too! That's a coincidence!"

The older Newfoundlander says, "Maybe I can help you, and you help me. What does she look like?"

 "My wife is 24 years old, blue eyes, tall, with blonde hair, big bo*bs , long legs... How does your wife look?" .

The older says, "You don't want to know... I'll help you look for yours!"

Like this FUNNY Newfie Joke? Check out this one...

http://newfiejoke.blogspot.com/2007/03/newfie-jedi.html

Funny Polar Bear Picture

Polar Bears Camping Funny Picture!

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Funny Newfoundland Sayings

Funny Newfoundland Sayings


I'll be dere d'rackly
(I'll be there right away)

What a snarl!!
(extreme mess)

Well we rolled at dat; well we handy 'bout died
(Found something extremely funny)

What a feed
(a great meal)

More Funny Newfie Sayings

You can forget 'bout dat, ol' man
(annoyed with what someone just said)

Who knit ya?
(Where did you come from? or Who made you?)

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Skipper Died Newfie Joke

Skipper Died Funny Newfie Joke

When Buddyfeller went to the newspaper to submit a notice in the obituaries, the clerk asked Buddyfeller if he had some stuff to say about his friend Skipper.

'Skipper died' is enough to put der'."

"Is that it?" asked the clerk.

" You know there's lots to say about your friend.... but if money is the issue, the first 5 words are completely free"

Buddyfeller thought about it for awhile said, " O.K. I got it! Put down 'Skipper died. Boat for sale."

Funny Newfie Boat

Funny Boat Newfie

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Funny Newfie Joke - Newfie Fishing Joke! Funny Picture - Trippy fingers

Three Newfies are fishing by a river with fishing poles with the lines casting away. A Newfie Game Warden sneaks up, and says, "Hey by', You's got fishing licenses?"
"Got none atall'," said the first Newfie.
"Well, if your gonna go fishing, you needs fisherman licenses by's," exclaimed the Game Warden.
"But Mr. officer," said the second Newfie, "we weren't fishing. We gots magnets near the end of our fishing lines and we're gettin' stuff under da' brook."
The Game Warden pulled on the lines... there were big ol' magnets righ ton the end of each line.
"Yes by's, knows der's no laws against it," exclaimed the Newfie Game Warden. "Get all the stuff ya wants by's." Then he just left.
When they knew the Game Warden was completely gone, the 3 Newfies started laughing like crazy. "He's a real stun' Fish Coppper," one said to the rest, "he never knew that der' are steelheads in dis' brook?"

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Newfoundland Wife Duties - Funny Newfie Joke!

Newfoundland Wife Duties - Funny Newfie Joke!

Three men from Ontario were sitting together one day bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.

The first man had married a woman from Quebec and had told her that she was going to have to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Manitoba. He had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a girl from Newfoundland. He told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything,but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little bit out of his left eye, enough to fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.

If a Man Speaks in the Forest
and there is no Woman
there to Hear...
Is He Still Wrong?
FUNNY Sign! LOL! 

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Getting into Heaven - True Story

True FUNNY story from a Sunday school teacher in Newfoundland/Labrador:


I was testing the children in my Newfoundland Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to Heaven.

I asked them, 'If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?'

'NO!' the children answered.

'If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?'

Again, the answer was, 'NO!'.

'Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?' I asked them again.

Again, they all answered, 'NO!'

I was just bursting with pride for them.

Well, I continued, 'then how can I get into Heaven?'

A six-year-old Newfie boy shouted out, 'YOU GOTTA BE DEAD'

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Bridge to North Sydney - Funny Newfie Jokes

Bridge to North Sydney - Funny, Stupid Newfoundland/Labrador Joke by's!!




A Newfie riding his Harley along the TCH just outside of Port aux Basque when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'


The Newfie pulled over and replied, 'Build a bridge to North Sydney so I can ride over anytime I want.'


The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking: the supports required reaching the bottom of the ocean and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'


The Newfie thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.'


The Lord replied, 'You want two lanes, or four on that bridge?'

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SCARY Newfie GHOST Story? LOL! Hilarious Moose Picture!

This happened in a little town in Newfoundland, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's absolutely true!

This guy was on the side of the road hitch-hiking on a very dark night in the middle of a terrible rain storm. The night was rolling and no cars were on the road. The storm was so strong the guy could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car come toward him and stop.

The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door and only then did he realize that there was nobody behind the wheel!

The car started to move very slowly. The guy looked at the road and saw a curve coming his way. Petrified, he started to pray, begging for his life.

He had not come out of shock when, just before the car hit the curve, a hand suddenly appeared through the window and moved the wheel.

The guy, now paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared every time the car was approaching a curve. Finally, although terrified, the guy managed to open the door and jump out of the spooky car.

Without looking back, the guy ran through the storm all the way to the nearest town. Soaking wet, exhausted and in a state of utter shock the pale, visibly shaken guy, walked into a nearby bar and asked for two shots of Screech.

Then, still trembling with fright, he started telling everybody in the Bar about the horrible experience he just went through with the spooky car with no driver and the mysterious hand that kept appearing.

Everyone in the bar listened in silence and became frightened, listening to this eerie story; hairs stood on end when they realized the guy was telling the truth because he was crying and he definitely was not drunk.

About half an hour later two guys walked into the same bar and one said to the other, "Lard Tunderin' Jaysus, me boy, there's the jerk who got into the car while we was pushing it!"

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 gifs, animations, jokes, status updates, and more at 

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Funny Moose Kiss Picture!

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Funny Newfie Horseshoes Picture and Blind Newfie!

Blind Newfie in the Swimming Pool (Toilet?) Funny Joke

There once was a blind Newfoundlander who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas." When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar.

Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."

After a couple of beers, the blind Newfie asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right."

The blind Newfie headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool. He fell into the pool by accident. Scared to death, the blind Newfie started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!"

Newfie: a person from Newfoundland/Labrador

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Newfies playing Horseshoes with Toilet Seats! LOL!

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Woman Drivers Hilarious Pic and Funny Jokes! LOL!

Funny Woman Driver Hokes!

Policeman: ‘When I saw you coming round that bend I thought, “Forty-five at least”.’

Woman driver: ‘Well, I always look older in this hat.’

“We bumped into some old friends yesterday, my wife was driving.”

Wife: “There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburettor.”

Husband: “Water in the carburettor? That’s plain daft.”

Wife: “I’m telling you the car has water in the carburettor.”

Husband: “Don’t be silly, You don’t even know what a carburettor is. Where’s the car?”

Wife: “In next door’s swimming pool.”

“Nothing confuses a man more than a woman driver who does everything right.”

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New Seatbelt Design!
45% Less Car Accidents! LOL!

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Google Chrome Gun Comparison Funny Picture

'Eres a joke fer ya's...

What is Internet Explorer?

1. One of the most amazing tools for downloading Google Chrome.
2. Microsoft’s pre-installed, default internet browser for Windows. Has to be the worst browser on earth, because its only features are free viruses, automatic spyware downloads, and awesome security holes.The best part about Internet Explorer is that it forced companies, such as Mozilla and Opera, to make their own browsers, which completely and utterly blow Internet Explorer out of the water.
3. A great program that lets you download viruses.
   
   
   Bob: w00t, I’m downloading 500+ viruses a minute on internet explorer!
   
   
   Jeff: Lololllolololllololollolz0rz! Inronetz explo0dr is liek fu*kin’, sh!t. lolololollolololo!!!!!!1!!1!11111!!11! XD

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Google Chrome GUNS compared with other browsers,
Internet Explorer, Opera, Safari, Firefox

Anyone check out Google+ yet? Pretty cool... My Google+ Page... add me to ya circles by's!

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The Genie, Newfie, Quebecer , and Torontonian - Funny Newfie Joke!!

There are three guys walking together, a Newfie, a Quebecer , and a Torontonian. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out, "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes."

So the Newfie says "I am a fisherman, my dad's a fisherman, and his dad was a fisherman, and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish" 'POOF' the oceans were full ( of fish that is).

The Quebecer was amazed, he said "I want a wall around the province of Quebec, so nothing will get in." 'POOF' there was a wall around Quebec.

The guy from Toronto says "Tell me more about this wall."

The genie says "Well its about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out."

So the Torontian says "Fill it up with water."

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