Funny Newfoundland Computer Term Definitions

1. Log on - Make the wood stove hotter

2. Log off - Don't add no more wood

3. Monitor - Keep an eye on that wood stove

4. Download - Getting the firewood off the truck

5. Floppy disk - What you get from trying to carry too much firewood

6. Ram - The thing that splits the firewood

7. Hard Drive - Getting home in the winter

8. Prompt - What the mail ain't in the winter

9. Window - What to shut when it's cold outside

10. Screen - What to shut in black fly season

11. Byte - What the black flies do

12. Bit - What the black flies did

13. Mega Byte - What the BIG black flies do during trout season

14. Chip - Munchies for TV

15. Micro Chip - What's left in the bag after you eat the chips

16. Modem - What you did to the weeds growing in the driveway

17. Dot matrix - Old Dan Matrix's wife

18. Lap top - Where the beer spills when you pass out

19. Software - The dumb plastic knives and forks they give you at McDonalds

20. Hardware - Real stainless steel cutlery

21. Mouse - What makes the holes in the Cheerios box

22. Main frame - What holds the house up, hopefully

23. Enter - The only way to win those magazine ad sweepstakes

24. Web - What a spider makes

25. Web site - High corners of the ceiling

26. Cursor - Someone who swears

27. Search Engine - What you do when the car dies

28. Screen Saver - repair kit for the torn window screen

29. Home Page - map you keep in your back pocket just in case you
get lost in the woods

30. Upgrade - Steep hill

31. Server - waitress

32. Mail Server - male waitress, damn few in Newfoundland

33. MS DOS - Some new disease they discovered

34. Sound Card - One of them technological birthday cards that plays
music when you open it

35. User - The neighbor who keeps borrowing stuff

36. Browser - A problem moose in the Garden or Blueberry Patch

37. Network - Mending holes in the gillnet

38. Internet - Complicated fish net repair method

39. Netscape - What haddock do when you don't do your network

40. Online - good sign there'll be clean clothes this week

41. Off line - the clothes pins let go and the laundry falls on the
ground--better luck next week

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