The Newfie Execution - Newfie Joke!

A Torontonian, an American and a Newfoundlander are involved in a grisly crime and are all sentenced to death. The executioner told them that they would each get to choose the method by which they would die.

Their choices were: lethal injection, electric chair or by hanging.

The American was afraid of needles and didn’t want to be hanged. The American chose the electric chair.

He sat in the chair and they pulled the switch and nothing happened. The executioner said that if this happens a second time that he could go free.

They tried a second time and again nothing happened so they set him free.

The guy from Toronto was also afraid of needles and didn’t want to be hanged so he too chose the electric chair.

Once again, the chair didn’t work and he was free.

Next it was the Newfoundlander’s turn to pick how he was to be executed.

He said "I'm afraid of needles, the electric chair won't work so you're going to have to hang me".

Signs You Had Too Much Coffee - PART 3 - Joke

Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.

Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.

You’re so wired, you pick up AM radio.

People can test their batteries in your ears.

Your life’s goal is to amount to a hill of beans.

Instant coffee takes too long.

You channel surf faster without a remote.

When someone says. “How are you?”, you say, “Good to the last drop.”

You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can

You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.

Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil

You’d be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.

You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.

You’re offended when people use the word “brew” to mean beer.

You name your cats “Cream” and “Sugar.”

You get drunk just so you can sober up.

You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.

Your Thermos is on wheels.

Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.

You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

Newfie Terrorist - Funny Joke

Did you hear about the Newfie terrorist who tried to blow up a school bus?

He burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe.

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Newfie Golf Course:

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Fish Dinner - Anudder Funny Newf Joke Fer Ya's

Newfie decides to travel across Canada to see the Pacific Ocean. When he gets to Nanaimo, he likes the place so much that he decides to stay. But first he must find a job.

He walks into the MacMillan-Bloedel office and fills out an application as an 'experienced' logger. It's his lucky day. They just happen to be looking for someone. But first, the bush foreman takes him for a ride in the bush in the company pickup truck to see how much he knows. The foreman stops the truck on the side of the road and points at a tree.

"See that tree over there? I want you to tell me what species it is and how many board feet of lumber it contains."
The Newfie promptly answers, "It's a Sitka spruce and contains 383 board feet of lumber."

The foreman is impressed. He puts the truck in motion and stops again about a mile down the road. He points at another tree through the passenger door window. and asks the same question. This time, it's a bigger tree of a different class.
"It's a Douglas fir and has 690 board feet," says the Newfie.

Now the foreman is really impressed. The Newfie has answered quickly and got the answers right without even using a calculator! One more test. They drive a little farther down the road, and the foreman stops again. This time, he points across the road through his driver side window.
"And what about that one?"
Before the foreman finishes pointing, the Newfie says, "A cedar, 242 board feet."

The foreman spins the truck around and heads back to the office. He's a little ticked off because he thinks that the Newfie is smarter than he. As they near the office, the foreman stops the truck and asks the Newfie to step outside.

He hands him a piece of chalk and tells him, "See that tree over there. I want you to mark an X on the front of that tree."
The foreman thinks to himself, "Idiot! How does he know which is the front of the tree?"

When the Newfie reaches the tree, he goes around it in a circle while looking at the ground. He then reaches up and places a white X on the trunk. He runs back to the foreman and hands him the chalk.
"That is the front of the tree," the Newfie states.

The foreman laughs to himself and asks sarcastically, "How in the world do you know that's the front of the tree?"

The Newfie looks down at this feet, while moving the toe of his left boot clockwise in the gravel, replies, "Cuz someone took a crap behind it."

He got the job...

Signs You Had Too Much Coffee - PART 2 - Joke

Your T-shirt says, “Decaffeinated coffee is the devil’s coffee.”

Your so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.

You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.

You can jump-start your car without cables.

Cocaine is a downer.

All your kids are named “Joe.”

You don’t need a hammer to pound in nails.

Your only source of nutrition comes from “Sweet & Low.”

You don’t sweat, you percolate.

You buy milk by the barrel.

You’ve worn out the handle on your favorite mug.

You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.

You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it’s not plugged in.

You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.

Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.

You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.

People get dizzy just watching you.

When you find a penny, you say, “Find a penny, pick it up. Sixty-three more, I’ll have a cup.”

You’ve worn the finish off your coffee table.

The Taster’s Choice couple wants to adopt you.

FUNNY Booze/Beer WARNING Labels

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.


WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho Bob.

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Remember by's, if ya drinks, DON'T DRIVE. Take a cab or git one of these designated drivers tingmajiggers. 'Ave a safe and happy Christmas!

... more funny jokes, humor and funny pictures at Funniest Jokes Ever

Newfie Hero - Newfie Pirate Joke

Long ago lived a Newfie seaman named Captain Bravo who sailed with the English navy. He was a manly man who showed no fear in facing his enemies. One day, a look-out spotted a pirate ship and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravo bellowed, ''Bring me my Red Shirt.'' The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt and whilst wearing the bright red frock he led his men into battle and defeated the pirates.

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Later on that day, the look-out spotted not one, but two pirate ships. The captain again called for his red shirt and once again, though the fighting was fierce, he was victorious over the two ships. That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day's triumphs and one of the them asked the captain, ''Sir, why do you call for your red shirt before battle? The captain replied, ''If I am wounded in the attack, the shirt will not show my blood and thus, you men will continue to fight, unafraid.''

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All of the men sat in silence and marveled at the courage of such a manly man as Captain Bravo. As dawn came the next morning, the look-out spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirates ships approaching from the far horizon. The crew stared at the captain and waited for his usual reply.

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Captain Bravo turned to the first mate, ''Get me my brown pants.''

Cold Winter - Plus a Newfie Joke - Exhunters

A couple of Newfie hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing – his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out a cell phone and calls emergency services.

He gasps to the operator, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There is silence, then a gun shot is heard.

The guy’s voice comes back on the line.

He says, “Okay, now what?”

Shareapic - Sharing Photos - PLUS Anudder Joke!

A Young, Newfoundlander man was walking around a field in Newfoundland, when he came across an old well. He walked up to the well, just to get a look. He noticed an old looking bottle in the well bucket, (which was lying on the ground). He picked it up. And suddenly a genie appeared before him. The genie said, "For freeing me, I will grant you one wish." The young man said, "Ok. I wish that there was a bridge going from Newfoundland to the mainland, you know, like the P.E.I. one." The genie said,"I am sorry, but I can't do that. That would be TOO much change. That would be ALMOST impossible. It would change too many peoples lives." So the young man thought for a second, then said, "Ok, then. I am a proud Newfoundlander, and I am sick and tired of everyone making fun of Newfound landers. SO I wish that Newfound landers were as smart, or even smarter than ANYONE else in the world. Of at least smarter than any other Canadian." The genie said, "So, do you want two lanes, or four?"

For Newfie Coffee Addicts - Signs you had TOO Much Coffee!

Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.

You ski uphill.

You get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked.

You speed walk in your sleep.

You have a bumper sticker that says: “Coffee drinkers are good in the sack.”

You answer the door before people knock.

You haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

You just completed another sweater and you don’t know how to knit.

You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

You sleep with your eyes open.

You have to watch videos in fast-forward.

The only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake.

You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.

You lick your coffeepot clean.

You spend every vacation visiting “Maxwell House.”

You’re the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don’t even work there.

You’ve worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.

Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

You chew on other people’s fingernails.

The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

Newfie Jedi - Star Wars Newfie Joke

You might be a Newfie Jedi if.....

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1.You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be witt ya by*'."

2. Your Jedi robe is made of seal skin.

3. You have ever used your light saber to quarter a moose.

4. Both wings of your X-Wing are done over with sheet metal and rivets and are covered with polybond.
5. You have ever eaten bottled Ewok.

6. You have ever used a land-speeder to get away from wildlife officers.

7. The best part of spending time on Dagobah is the great weather.

8. Even C3-PO cannot understand what you are saying.

9. You have used Jedi mind tricks to help you drag off someone from the Sundance (Bar on George Street) and Breezway (University Bar).

10. You have ever used the force to convince a Human Resources Canada officer to give you unemployment insurance checks.

11. Your father has ever said to you, "Come on by' son, come on over 'ere to the dark side and have a Black Horse (Newfoundland brewed beer) witt yer old man."

12. You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to scare off mosquitoes on May 24 weekend.

13. You have ever used the Millennium Falcon to smuggle booze and cigarettes from St. Pierre (Island belonging to France just of southern nf coast).

14. You have a Newfoundland dog painted on the hood of your land-speeder.

15. You think Andy Wells (St. John's mayor) and Brian Tobin (nf premier) are part of the dark side of the force.

16. You have ever fantasized about Danielle House wearing her hair like Princess Leia.+

17. You have a trailer hitch on the back of your land speeder for hauling your trailer to gravel pits.

18. Chewbacca is the lead of your dog sled team.

19. You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with snowmobile skis.

20. You were the only person drinking Newfie Screech during the cantina scene.

21. If you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father ... tell me what the hell your mother's getting on with by'?!"

Canada's Worst Air Disaster - NEWFIE Joke!

Canada's worst air disaster occurred earlier this morning when a Cessna 152 (a small two-seater plane) crashed into a cemetery in central Newfoundland.

Newfie search and rescue workers have recovered 825 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

Funny Polar Bear Picture and Anudder Joke Fer Ya's!

Har Har Har!! It wasn't the polar bear's fault that he slipped. They should have had a double sided sign! lol


A Newfie ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut in six or twelve pieces.

"Six, please, I could never eat twelve pieces," replied the Newfie.

"You know you're from Newfoundland when..." JOKE!

You know you're from Newfoundland when....

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1. - You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup.
2. - You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
3. - The mosquitoes have landing lights.
4. - You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
5. - You have 10 favorite recipes for bottled moose.
6. - Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
7. - You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.
8. - You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
9. - Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
10. - You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
11. - You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
12. - The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires 6 pages for local softball scores.
13. - At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
14. - The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
15. - Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
16. - You think the start of salmon fishing season is a national holiday.
17. - You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
18. - You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
19. - You find -40C a little nippy.
20. - The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.
21. - You can play road hockey on skates.
22. - You know 4 seasons - Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.
23. - The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
24. - You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Newfie friends.

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I have two brand new blogs with my ART! Please support me by visiting and leaving a comment or two. Thanks!

Extraordinary Freestyle and Surreal Art

Freestyle ART - Doodles and Scribbles

Ya Finger is Broke! - Anudder Funny JOKE

I'm on a ROLL ere by's!!

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Newfie goes to the doctor.
NEWF: Doc everywhere I touches it hurts like hell!
Doc runs a batch of x-rays and nothing shows up.
DOC: Sir you are in perfect health,
NEWF: Nope can't be doc look, hurts here, here , and here, and everywhere I touches!
Doc takes the finger the newf was usin' and twists it.
NEWF: Doc wat r u doin to me,
DOC: Go home and rest sir ya finger is broke!

Three to Five Years - Another Newfie Joke By's

Did you hear about the Newfie who was ecstatic that he finished a jigsaw puzzle in 87 days?


On the box it said three to five years.

Mouth to Mouth - Funny Newfie Joke

While out swimming with his girlfriend. One woman was distressed and said her boyfriend had just disappeared under the water and was far too long under. Bob jumped in and after 30 seconds dragged out a blue body. He started mouth to mouth. His girlfriend asked him, " how is it going". "terrible replied Bob. his breath is really bad." The distressed woman replied that's not my boyfriend, that's probably the man who disappeared under the ice one year ago."

Newfie English Dictionary

Newfie English Dictionary

ADIKEY - Eskimo hooded outer garment or blouse made of cloth or animal skin.



ANGISHORE - A man regarded as too lazy too fish; a worthless fellow, a sluggard,
a rascal; idle mischievous child or person.




APSY - Thick with aspen trees; in place-names.



BACK-BURN - Amount carried on shoulders, especially a load of wood.



BACK-LOAD - An exceptionally large amount.



BALLICATTER - Ice formed by the action in winter of spray and waves along the
shore-line, making a fringe or band on the landward side; a floating pan of ice;
frozen moisture around the nose and mouth.



BANKER - A vessel engaged in cod-fishing on the Newfoundland offshore grounds,
especially the Grand Banks.



BARK - To immerse a fish-net or sail in the liquid formed by boiling the bark
and buds of a conifer (used as a preservative).




BARVEL - Leather, canvas or oil-skin apron reaching from the breast to the
knees, worn when catching fish or processing the catch ashore; a home-made
domestic apron.



BATCH, BRUSH, BROOM or PADDY'S SCAD - Snowfall just before or after St.
Patrick's Day.



BATTY - A sum of money; a boat-load of fish.



BEATER - A harp seal just past the white-coat stage and migrating north from the
breeding grounds on the ice floes off Newfoundland.



BEDLAMER - An immature seal, especially a harp seal, approaching breeding age.
(Also, a youth approaching manhood.)



BERRY OCKY - Home-made drink of wild berries, especially partridgeberries, jam
and water.




BERTH - A place as seal-hunter on a vessel with a share in the profits of the
voyage.



BITTING STICK - Piece of wood used to tighten rope holding a load of wood in
place on a sled (used like a tourniquet).



BLOW THE CHRISTMAS PUDDING - to celebrate with gunfire the lifting of the
Christmas pudding out of the pot.



BOG - Peat, especially removed from marsh-land and used to improve soils.



BOG MEADOW - An open stretch of grassy marshland, often used to produce hay.



BOGGAN - Crossbar behind horse to which traces and plough are attached.




BOIL-UP - A brew of tea, and sometimes a snack, taken during a rest from work in
the country or on a vessel.



BRANDIES or BRANDISHES - Group of sunken rocks over which the sea breaks.



BRESNA or BRISHNEY - A bundle of firewood.



BRISHNEY or BRESNA - A bundle of firewood.



BROOM, PADDY'S SCAD, BRUSH or BATCH - Snowfall just before or after St.
Patrick's Day.



BRUSH, BROOM, PADDY'S SCAD or BATCH - Snowfall just before or after St.
Patrick's Day.




BULL-BIRD - Common dovekie (hunted for food).



BUNG-YOUR-EYE - Strong alcholic beverage.



BY THE REEVES - Of heavy rain or snow; in great swirls and drifts: "It's snowing
by the reeves."



CALLIBOGUS - A drink made by mixing spruce beer, rum or other liquor and
molasses.



CANDLEMAS CAKE - Type of sweetened bread baked for party on February 2 or
Candlemas Day; or the party itself.




CAPER – A ludicrous or grotesque act done for fun and amusement; gay or
light-hearted recreational activity for diversion or amusement.



CARD - In knitting a net, a thin wooden oblong, four or more inches long and of
varying width, used as a guide to the size of mesh required.



CARK - Protruding metal point on a sled to hold logs in place.



CAST-NET - An open-mouthed, circular, and weighted net thrown by hand among
schooling caplin and drawn ashore or to the boat as the net is closed on the
catch.



CAT or CAT-STICK - A game similar to hurley, played with sticks on the ice. You
try to keep the ball out of a hole cut in the ice or frozen ground.



CATAMARAN - Sled with stout wooden runners curved up in front and with a
vertical stick, or horn, at each corner, hauled in the winter by dogs, horse, or
man, used especially for carting wood and other heavy loads, but also for
pleasure; also, a horse drawn sleigh for winter use, passengers facing the side
of the sleigh.




CAUBEEN - A cap or hat, but in a fish plant refers to the paper head-dress worn
by workers.



CAUDLER - A person who muddles up any activity.



CHOP (i.e. “To have one’s chop in”) - To have cut one's allotted quantity of
wood.



CLEAR AIRS, DADYEENS, WHEY-BELLIES, YELLOW-BELLIES or DOONES - Irish factions in
St. John's in the early 1800s. Respectively from Cork, Tipperary, Waterford,
Wexford, and Kilkenny. The first three allied against the second two.



CLUMPER - A small ice-berg or pan of ice; a slab of ice forced up along the
shoreline; a hummock of ice in an ice-field; a small chunk of ice or snow.



CONNOR - Blue perch, a bottom-feeding fish of inshore waters, especially common
around wharves and stages.




COSSOCK - Footwear made by cutting the legs off a pair of old rubber boots at
the ankle.



CUDDY - A cabin at bow or stern of a small vessel or large boat for
accommodation and provisions; in a small undecked fishing boat, a small enclosed
space forward or aft.



CUFF - A thick, usually fingerless mitten made of wool, swanskin, or leather,
worn in winter. Also, a fisherman's heavy mitten, often with fingers cut off,
used to protect the hand in hauling lines or splitting fish.



DADYEENS, CLEAR AIRS, WHEY-BELLIES, YELLOW-BELLIES or DOONES - Irish factions in
St. John's in the early 1800s. Respectively from Cork, Tipperary, Waterford,
Wexford, and Kilkenny. The first three allied against the second two.



DAWN - A drink of rum.



DEAD-EYE - Sore or callus on hand.




DEAD MAN'S SHARE - a small portion.



DIET - Board or keep for fishing servant, shareman, or member of a sealing crew.



DIETER - One who receives winter board and accomodation against the promise of
cash or service in the next fishing season, or one engaged in return for board,
in the preparatory work of the fishing season.



DIPPER - Harp seal in its first year, when it takes to the water.



DIPPING TIME - Period in March-April when young seals take to the water.



DOGWOOD - Mountain ash.




DOGBERRY - Mountain ash; berries of the Dogwood tree.



DOONES, YELLOW-BELLIES, WHEY-BELLIES, CLEAR AIRS or DADYEENS - Irish factions in
St. John's in the early 1800s. Respectively from Cork, Tipperary, Waterford,
Wexford, and Kilkenny. The first three allied against the second two.



DORY - A small, flat-bottomed boat with flaring sides and a sharp bow and stern,
providing both stability in the water an easy stowage in stacks on deck; used
especially in fishing with hand-lines and trawls; frequently in designations of
various sizes of vessel employing such craft: "four-dory vessel". Also, DORY
BANKER, DORY BUFF (yellow), DORY HAT (waterproof with brim same size all
around), DORY HOOK (used to hoist a dory), DORY PIGGIN (bailer), DORY PIN (holds
oars in place), DORY STRAP (rope handles)



DOUBLE-SLED - Heavy sled drawn by two horses; a sled in two linked sections used
to haul wood.



DREW - In knitting a fish-net, a certain number of meshes formed in a row.




EASTER - Eastern, frequently in place names; from the East



ESKIMO DUCK - American common eider.



FADDLE - A bundle of firewood.



FEETING or FOOTING - The footprints or tracks of animals.



FIGGY PUDDING - plum pudding (preparation began Christmas Eve for tomorrow's
dinner).



FLAG - The pennant of a sealing vessel used to mark the ownership and position
on the ice of a pile of seal pelts.




FLICER or FLICER-STICK - The spring of a rabbit snare. Also BENDER.



FLIPPER PIE - The forelimb of a seal used to propel the animal in the water or
on the ice, especially as prepared for eating.



FLOWERS - Rock that is awash. Rocks or ledges over which the sea breaks.



FLUMMY - A kind of bread made by hunters and trappers: a dough of flour, bread
soda, and water wrapped on a stick and toasted over an open fire.



FOOTING or FEETING - The footprints or tracks of animals.



FREELY - Local name in Cape Freels area for a syrupy drink made from bakeapple
berries.




FURRIER - A fur-hunter or trapper.



FURRIERY - The activity of hunting and trapping fur-animals; also FURRING.



GAFF - A stout pole, 5 - 8 feet long with an iron hook and spike fastened to one
end, used to assist a sealer on the ice and to kill seals.



GAMMETT - An instance of noise-making; a period of carrying-on.



GARAGEE - Boisterous, rough-and-tumble behaviour; fun, devilment.



GASHER - A small fishing boat with sharp prow and stern.




GATCHER - A person who behaves in a swaggering manner; show-off.



GAWMOGUE - A silly, mischievous person.



GILLCAP or GILLCUP - Buttercup; phrase "yellow as a gillcap".



GINNY - Seal believed to act as a sentinel for the herd; also JINNY, JENNY.



GLAVAUN - Continuous complaining; one who grumbles.




GLITTER or SILVER THAW - A condition of the weather in which freezing rain
deposits a coating of ice n exposed objects. (especially when the sun comes out
later)



GO INTO AN IRISH SULK - to become morose especially after an interlude of
high-spirited gaiety.



GO OUT IN THE JANNIES - to dress in the costume of a janny.



GOMMEL - Epithet for a stupid person, often 'foolish gommel'.



GOOLOS - Home or base in playing certain games; such a game.



GROG - A quantity, a sup; a shot of liquor.




GROWLER - Piece of floating ice hazardous to vessels because of its instability
or indeterminate size; a piece off an iceberg.



HAG or OLD HAG - The nightmare, especially one in which the victim feels someone
sitting on their chest.



HEAVE OUT - Of a vessel, to capsize or roll over.



HOG'S NOSE - A waterspout, a freak whirlwind at sea.



HOIST-YOUR-SAILS-AND-RUN - Cry by player in children's game of hide and seek
before going to find the other players hiding; or the game itself.



INFLAMMATION - Pneumonia.




IRISH CHAIN - A decorative pattern used in making quilts or in knitting.



IRISH LORDS - Type of sea-bird.



IRISH TOOTHACHE - Pregnancy.



IRON SPRUCE - Red spruce.



JACK - A bluff, two-masted decked vessel, schooner-rigged and varying from 5 to
20 tons used for various fisheries purposes; also JACK-BOAT



JACKABAUN - A mischievous, untrustworthy person.




JACKASS - Heavy rough boats; A two-masted vessel rigged for the seal hunt with
square, rather than fore-and-aft, sails on the mainmast.



JANNY - An elaborately costumed and disguised person who participates in various
group activities at Christmas.



JANNYING - The practice of visiting houses disguised as a mummer at Christmas.



JANNY-NIGHT - Any night during Christmas on whch jannies go around visiting at
people's houses.



JENNY - Seal believed to act as a sentinel for the herd; also GINNY, JINNY.



JINNY - Seal believed to act as a sentinel for the herd; also GINNY, JENNY.




JOHNNY MAGOREY - Subject of various nonsense verses with sudden, unexpected
ending for the amusement of small children.



JOHNNY MILLER - Ring-dance and song.



JULY DRIVE - In the Great War, the July offensive opening the first battle of
the Somme in 1916; especially the engagement of the Newfoundland Regiment at
Beaumont Hamel.



JUNIPER - Larch or tamarack.



KNIT - To make or repair a net; to knot twine into meshes to form a fish-net.



KNIT OUT - To empty a needleful of twine when making a fish-net.




KNITTING NEEDLE - Implement used to hold a quantity of twine and used to knot
meshes in a fish-net.



LABRADOR TEA - A low-growing evergreen of the genus Ledum; An infusion of the
bruised leaves of the Labrador tea plant used as a substitute for tea.



LALLIK - A children's chasing game, tag; the person who is "it" in this game.



LANCE - A small elongate fish used as bait; sand eel.



LEADER - A length of net stretching from the shore to a cod-trap to guide fish
into the entrance.




LEAKY (PAW) - Inflammation of hand or wrist caused by exposure to salt water.



LEAN-IN - A cow-shed, shelter for cows.



LINNET - Twine for knitting fish-nets; the sections of netting forming the
several parts of such nets; the complete net, seine, trap or all these
collectively.



LINNET EDGE - In a cod-trap, the part of a section of netting attached to a line
or rope forming the frame of the device.



LINNET POLE - A stick from which a fish-net is suspended to dry.



LIVYER - a permanent settler of coastal Newfoundland (as opposed to a migratory
fisherman from England); a settler on the coast of Labrador (as opposed to
migratory summer fisherman from Newfoundland).




LOG-PATH - A man's customary path or right-of-way to an area to cut and haul
wood.



LOGY - Of the weather, heavy (with moisture); oppressively hot.



LOLLY - Soft ice forming in water; loose ice or snow floating in water.



LOW-MINDED - Depression.



LUMP - Lumpfish (harvested for their roe, a cheap caviar).



MAN-CAT - Small sled used in winter for transporting wood and hauled by a man.




MAUZY - Damp and warm, muggy, close, foggy, sometimes with light rain.



MERRY DANCERS - northern lights, aurora borealis (extra brilliant light is a
sign of good weather).



MISK, MISKY - Light rain or mist; vapour rising from the sea after a cold night.
Misty.



MOT - Mark in the game of Quoits. Shallow depression in the ground providing a
target in the game of marbles.



MUG-UP - A cup or mug of tea and a snack taken between any of the main meals,
especially in a pause from work.



MUMMER - An elaborately costumed and disguised person who participates in
various group activities at Christmas.




MUMMERING - The practice of visiting houses disguised as a mummer at Christmas.



NAN, NANNY - Sheep; or a call to sheep.



OLD CHRISTMAS DAY or OLD TWELFTH DAY - As reckoned by the old style. On this day
the Christmas tree is taken down and Christmas is over.



OLD HAG or HAG - The nightmare, especially one in which the victim feels someone
sitting on their chest.



OLD HARRY - Reef or rock hazardous to vessels.



OLD SCRIPTURE CAKE - Christmas cake made from recipe drawn from biblical texts
(1 cup Judges 5:25 milk, 2 cups Jeremiah 6:20 sugar…)




OLD TWELFTH DAY or OLD CHRISTMAS DAY - As reckoned by the old style. On this day
the Christmas tree is taken down and Christmas is over.



OLD YEAR - New Year's Eve.



OMADHAUN - A stupid, idle, foolish fellow; fool.



OMALOOR - A clumsy, stupid, simple-minded fellow.



PADDY'S SCAD, BROOM, BRUSH or BATCH - Snowfall just before or after St.
Patrick's Day.



PANCAKE DAY or PANCAKE NIGHT - Shrove Tuesday, the last day before Lent.
Pancakes are prepared mixing in a button, thread, nail, coin, and ring
foretelling respectively bachelorhood, seamstress/tailor, carpenter or first to
die, coming into money, and marriage.




PATRICK - A fisherman, especially an Irish fisheries 'servant'.



PATRICK'S DAY/NIGHT - March 17th.



PATRICK'S POT - A windfall.



PHILANDY - To caper, jump about.



PIG-FISH, PLUG-EYE or SCULPIN - A very ugly scavenger fish.



PINNACLE - A peak of ice projecting from an iceberg or rafted up in an ice-floe;
Of floating ice, to become forced upwards by the pressure of the flow.




PINNACLE TEA - Tea brewed at sea from melted fragments of glacial ice.



PITCHER - One of the timbers or ribs of a boat, set in raked or slanted fashion
in the frame of the forward and after sections of the craft.



PITCHER PLANT - Bronze or green perennial of boggy areas with a single tall
capsuled stem growing out of a cluster of curved pitcher-shaped leaves which
trap water and insects; the floral emblem of Newfoundland.



PISS-A-BED or PISS T'BED - Dandelion



PITNAGEN or TEA-FLOWER - Purple-stemmed aster (dried roots sometimes used with
dried potato peels to make an ersatz tobacco).



PLUG-EYE, PIG-FISH or SCULPIN - A very ugly scavenger fish.




POODLER - Immature coal-fish, ocean pout.



POOK - A cock of hay.



PRICKLY or SPANTICKLE - Any of a variety of sticklebacks (tiny freshwater fish).



PUNT - An undecked boat up to 25 feet in length, round-bottomed, and keeled,
driven by oars, sail or engine and used variously in the inshore or coastal
fishery.



PUP - A blister, sore, or inflammation common among fishermen whose skin is
often in contact with salt-water.



RAGGEDY-JACKET - Young harp seal undergoing change from 'white-coat' to 'bedlamer'
stage.




RANGER - The common seal, especially in its third year.



SALLY - Willow tree, willow brach; Sweet gale



SALLY SUCKERS, SALLY SOURS, SALLY CIVES or SALLY SAUCERS - A weed with sour
leaves chewed by children; sheep sorrel.



SALLYWOOD - Mountain Holly



SCAD - Sudden and brief shower of rain or snow.



SCREECHER - a howling storm; an undernourished harp seal pup.




SCUDDY - Of the weather, uncertain, liable to sudden scuds or gusts of wind;
misty, showery.



SCULP - The skin of a harp or hooded seal with the blubber attached.



SCULPIN, PIG-FISH or PLUG-EYE - A very ugly scavenger fish.



SCUTTERS - Diarrhoea.



SEAL DOG - iron hook used with rope or chain to hoist seal pelts and carcasses
aboard vessel.



SEINE - A large vertical net placed in position around a school of fish, the
'foots' drawn together to form a bag, and hauled at sea or in shallow water near
the shore.




SHEILA - In folk legend, the wife, sister, housekeeper, or acquaintance of St.
Patrick.



SHEILA'S BRUSH - Fierce storm and heavy snowfall about the 18th of March.



SHIMMICK - A despised person; a dissembler.



SHUCK - A call to pigs repeated quickly and often.



SILE, SWOIL, SWALE, SOIL or SWILE - A North Atlantic Seal, especially harp or
hooded.



SILVER THAW or GLITTER - A condition of the weather in which freezing rain
deposits a coating of ice n exposed objects. (especially when the sun comes out
later)




SINKER or SUNKER - A rock hazardous to boats and vessels.



SINKS - The lead weights attached to the bottom of a fish-net.



SISH - A thin layer of ice newly formed on the surface of the sea.



SISH OVER - Of the surface of a body of water, to form a thin layer of ice.



SLACK-FISTED - Lazy, without ambition.



SLAWMEEN - Dirty, untidy person.




SLEVEEN - A sly deceitful man; a mean fellow; rascal; mischievous child.



SLINGER - An idler; truant from work.



SNAKE - Rock gunnel or Tansy; radiated shanny (both small elongated species of
salt-water fish).



SNOTTY VAR - Balsam fir with clotted resin on the bark.



SOIL, SWOIL, SWALE, SWILE or SILE - A North Atlantic Seal, especially harp or
hooded.



SPANTICKLE or PRICKLY - Any of a variety of sticklebacks (tiny freshwater fish).




SPIRKING - A strip of wood covering the space between the floor-board of a boat
and the inside plank at the water line.



SPREAD or SPREADER - To stretch an animal skin on a wooden frame to dry; a pole
used on a small sailing craft as a substitute for a gaff or boom.



SPRUCE BEER - Fermented drink made from an infusion of the boughs and buds of
the black spruce.



STAG - A submerged rock.



STAKE - To drive stakes through a beaver house to trap the animal.



STANCHION - The rib or frame on the inside of a dory.




STUDDLE - One of the vertical timbers in the frame of a boat.



SUANT - Of a curve, especially in the hull of a vessel, smooth, graceful, with a
correct sheer.



SUNKER or SINKER - A rock hazardous to boats and vessels.



SWAMP - A small, flat-bottomed row-boat; also FLAT.



SWILE, SWOIL, SWALE, SOIL or SILE - A North Atlantic Seal, especially harp or
hooded.



SWISH - Liquor produced by pouring water into a recently emptied rum barrel.




SWITCHEL - A drink of molasses and water often seasoned with vinegar and ginger.



SWITCHEL TEA - Tea, especially that once drunk by fishermen and sealers at sea.



SWOIL, SWILE, SWALE, SOIL or SILE - A North Atlantic Seal, especially harp or
hooded.



SYRUP - A sweet, fruit-flavoured commercial cordial; a drink prepared from such
a cordial diluted with water.



TABBY - A small floating ice pan in boys' sport of jumping across the ice or
'copying'; To jump from one floating ice pan to another.



TAIL or TEEL - To bait or set a trap or snare; to place a weapon so that game is
shot when the device is triggered.




TALAMH AN EISC - Irish for Newfoundland, literally translated means "land of the
fish" (Apparently the only place-name outside of Ireland which is not a simple
literal translation.)



TEA-FLOWER or PITNAGEN - Purple-stemmed aster (dried roots sometimes used with
dried potato peels to make an ersatz tobacco).



TEAK - One of the elaborately dressed pranksters who go about during Christmas
holidays. (Derived from Irish name Teague.)



TEAK DAY - Old Christmas Day, January 6th, on which certain mummers customarily
appear. If you didn't wear a green ribbon you got a crack with stick!



TEEL or TAIL - To bait or set a trap or snare; to place a weapon so that game is
shot when the device is triggered.




THREE LEG - Uncompleted mesh of a fish-net, having three corner knots and one
loose strand of twine.



TIB'S EVE - The day before Christmas Eve (today!); also, a day that will never
come.



TIDDLE - To strike, hook, or tip into the air the short stick in the game of
tiddly.



TIDDLY - A children's game in which a stick, balanced on a rock or over a hole,
is hooked or flicked into the air and struck with another.



TIDDLY STICK - Either of the two sticks, but especially the short one, used in
the game of tiddly.



TIME - A party or celebration, especially a communal gathering with dancing /
entertainment.




TRAP - A type of fixed fishing-gear used in inshore waters, box-shaped, with a
length of net stretching from shore to entrance through which migrating cod
enter and are trapped.



TRAP SKIFF - A large undecked fishing boat, propelled by oar, small sail or
engine and used in the coastal fishery to set and haul nets, especially cod
traps.



TUCK - One of the lines drawn tight in a cast-net when catching caplin.



TURR - Probably imitative of the earlier name murre and the bird's note. One of
several sea-birds hunted for food: Atlantic common murre, thick-billed murre.



TUTTLE LINE - A length of line forming part of a cast-net and and used to draw
the tucks together, closing the net.



TWINE - Hemp, cotton, or nylon thread, varying in the number of its twisted
strands, used in the making of fish-nets.




VAMP - Short, thick woolen oversock worn in boots to prevent chafing or around
the house as a slipper; bottom of a sock.



VAR - Balsam fir.



WABBLE or WOBBLE - Red-throated loon.



WAGEL - Great black-backed gull in its immature state.



WAGTAIL - Spotted sandpiper.



WALL - Either of two long vertical sections of netting in the box-shaped
cod-trap; side.




WHEY-BELLIES, CLEAR AIRS, DADYEENS, YELLOW-BELLIES or DOONES - Irish factions in
St. John's in the early 1800s. Respectively from Cork, Tipperary, Waterford,
Wexford, and Kilkenny. The first three allied against the second two.



WHITE MOUTH - Disease in which the mouth and lips have white flecks; thrush.



WITCH-HAZEL - Yellow or grey birch.



WOBBLE or WABBLE - Red-throated loon.



YAFFLE - An armful (i.e. of salt-cod, firewood); a load.



YELLOW-BELLIES, WHEY-BELLIES, CLEAR AIRS, DADYEENS or DOONES - Irish factions in
St. John's in the early 1800s. Respectively from Cork, Tipperary, Waterford,
Wexford, and Kilkenny. The first three allied against the second two.

The Newfie Logger - Newfie Joke!

A Newfie decides to travel across Canada to see the Pacific Ocean. When he gets to Campbell River, he likes the place so much that he decides to stay. But first he must find a job. He walks into the Weyerhaeuser office and fills out an application as an 'experienced' logger. It's his lucky day. They just happen to be looking for someone.
But first, the bush foreman takes him for a ride in the bush in the company pickup truck to see how much he knows.

---

The foreman stops the truck on the side of the road and points at a tree. "See that tree over there? I want you to tell me what species it is and how many board feet of lumber it contains."

---

The Newfie promptly answers, "It's a citrus spruce containing 383 board feet of lumber."

---

The foreman is impressed. He puts the truck in motion and stops again about a mile down the road. He points at another tree through the passenger door window and asks the same question. This time, it's a bigger tree of a different class.

---

"It's a Douglas fir and has 690 board feet." says the Newfie.

---

Now the foreman is really impressed. The Newfie has answered quickly and got the answers right without even using a calculator! One more test. They drive a little farther down the road, and the foreman stops again. This time, he points across the road through his driver side window. "And what about that one?"

---

Before the foreman finishes pointing, the Newfie says, "A cedar, 242 board feet."

---

The foreman spins the truck around and heads back to the office. He's a little cheesed off because he thinks that the Newfie is smarter than he. As they near the office, the foreman stops the truck and asks the Newfie to step outside.

---

He hands him a piece of chalk and tells him, "See that tree over there. I want you to mark an X on the front of that tree." The foreman thinks to himself, "Idiot! How does he know which is the front of the tree?"

---

When the Newfie reaches the tree, he goes around it in a circle while looking at the ground. He then reaches up and places a white X on the trunk. He runs back to the foreman and hands him the chalk.

---

"That is the front of the tree," the Newfie states, cocksure.

---

The foreman laughs to himself and asks sarcastically, "How in the hell do you know that's the front of the tree?"

---

The Newfie looks down at this feet, while moving the toe of his left boot clockwise in the gravel, replies, "Cuz someone took a crap behind it."

A letter from a mother newfie to her son.

Dear Son:

I am writing this slowly because i know you're a slow reader.

We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most car accidents happened within 20 miles of the home, so we moved. I can't send you the address, cuz the last couple that lived here (newfies) took the numbers with them for thier next house so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place has a washing machine, but the first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain, and I haven't seen them since. The bathroom's a funny place for a washing machine.

It rained here only twice last week; three days the first time, and four the second.

About the coat you wanted me to send you; Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

We got a bill from the funeral home, and it siad that if we didn't make the last payment on Granny's funeral, up she comes.

About your sister; She had a baby this morning! I haven't found out wether it's a boy or a girl so I don't know if you are an aunt or an uncle

Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pick-up. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out, but the other two drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate open.

Aunt Mabel is knitting you some socks. She would have sent them by now, but I told her that you grown another foot since she last saw you, so she's making another sock.

Not much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.

Haggler

Henry and Mike decide to leave Newfoundland and fly to Ontario. Before they leave, Henry's dad gives them a bit of advice: “You watch out for those Toronto cab drivers. If you give 'em an inch, they'll take a yard. They'll rob you blind. There's nothing you can do - except don't you go paying them what they ask. You haggle.”

At the airport in Toronto they hail a cab to take them to their hotel. When they reach their destination, the cabbie says, “That'll be twenty dollars, lads.”

“Oh no you don't! My dad warned me about you. You'll only be getting fifteen dollars from me,”says Henry.

“And you'll only get fifteen from me too,” adds Mike.

-----------------------------------

Har !!!! Har!!!! Har!!!!

Manhole Counter!

A Newfie is jumping up and down on a manhole cover on Robson Street in Vancouver, shouting, “Forty-two, forty-two!” Along comes a Vancouverite who asks him what he's doing. The Newfie says that it's a great sport in Corner Brook to jump up and down on a manhole cover and shout, “Forty-two, forty-two!" and that the Vancouverite should try it.

After much persuasion, the Vancouverite gives in and does so, but without much enthusiasm.

“Put your heart into it,” the Newfie encourages him. “Leap high, yell it loud.”

The Vancouverite shrugs, leaps twelve feet in the air, and really screams, “Forty-two, forty-two!”

Suddenly the Newfie snatches away the manhole cover and the Vancouverite drops down the manhole and disappears in the darkness. The Newfie replaces the cover and again starts jumping up and down on it, shouting, “Forty-three, forty-three!”

First Newfie in Toronto

Q: How did the first Newfie get to Toronto?

A: A bunch of Newfies were playing hockey on the frozen-over Gulf of St. Lawrence, and one guy got a breakaway.

Apples

Walking up to a fruit orchard stand, the Newfie asked, “How much do you charge for apples?”

“All you can pick for five bucks.”

“OK,” said the Newfie, reaching into his pocket, “I'll take ten dollars worth.”

------------

har har har!!! Now dats' funny!!

------------

I'm usually blogging at a different website dees' days, but I'm still not fergetten' abboot dis' one.

Go on over to ArtsSpot.com now and check it out.

The Execution

A Torontonian, an American and a Newfoundlander are involved in a grisly crime and are all sentenced to death. The executioner told them that they would each get to choose the method by which they would die.

Their choices were: lethal injection, electric chair or by hanging.

The American was afraid of needles and didn’t want to be hanged. The American chose the electric chair.

He sat in the chair and they pulled the switch and nothing happened. The executioner said that if this happens a second time that he could go free.

They tried a second time and again nothing happened so they set him free.

The guy from Toronto was also afraid of needles and didn’t want to be hanged so he too chose the electric chair.

Once again, the chair didn’t work and he was free.

Next it was the Newfoundlander’s turn to pick how he was to be executed.

He said "I'm afraid of needles, the electric chair won't work so you're going to have to hang me".

Newfie Jokes

Ere's a couple sent in by Laura S. - Tanks Laura

How did the Newfie break his arm while raking leaves?

He fell out of the tree!


What happened to the Newfie when he tried to blow up the bus?

He burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe!

Moose Licence Application

NEWFIE MOOSE LICENCE APPLICATION FER NEXT YEAR

AREA 36



Dept. of Toorism & Culchur

Wildlife Part, 'Ealt Science Place


Sin Jon's, The Rock



WHO'S YOU? ________________________________________

WHERE YA LIVES: _____________________________________

IS YA A: B'Y______ GIRL ______ BOTH ______ UDDER ______

IF UDDER, WHAT KIND IS YA? __________________________

WHERE'D YA MUDDER 'AVE YA AT? ______________________


WHEN WAS DIS? _____________________________________



1. If ya lives out dis way, is ya on:

Pokey ___ Welfare ___ Project ___Too lazy to get off yer arse___

2. Do ya drink? ___

3. Ow' much?

Lots___By de gallons ___Beef buckets full___Till ya passes out___


4. What kind do ya drink?

'Ome brew ___De bought stuff___Anyting ya gets ya hands on___

5. Does ya stagger much? If ya do, when do ya?

Marnin ___ Evenin ___ Ya can't walk straight atal ___

6. Is ya a alkie?

Yup ___ Nope ___ It's 'ard da say ___


7. Does ya go to AA?

Yup ___ Nope ___ What de'ell is AA? ___

8. Does ya smoke de wacky backy? ____ If not, how come?________

9. Is poachin' a sin? ______ Fer 'oo? ________________

10. Does yer know what sex is? If ya does, when does ya git any?

All de time___Whenever ya kin git it___Not dat often b'y___


11. 'Ow much money does ya 'ave?

I's rotten in da stuff___A bit___Haven got a cent___None of yer

bloody business ___

12. Does ya tink dat dis ting is too 'ard ta fill out?

Yup ___ Nope ___Ya got someone else da fill it out fer ya___




ANSWER DEM QUESTIONS UNNERNEAT TRU OR NOT



1. When dey runs, Bull Mooses got tree legs.

Tru ___ Not ___

2. Out dis way, nobody shoots mooses when deys not spose ta.

Tru ___ Not ___

3. Jawbones offa mooses is senta where dem people is starvin.


Tru ___ Not ___

4. AIDS is one a dem 'Care Packs'.

Tru ___ Not ___

5. Ye can shoot anyting longs ya got any kinda licence atall.

Tru ___ Not ___



SEN DIS TA WHERE IT SAY TA ON TOP AN' MAKE SURE YA DOS BEFORE


CHRISTMAS DA NEXT YEAR.

YA DON'T AVE TA SEN YER MONEY NOW,
WAIT TILL YA GITS YER LICENCE.



***************************************************

Har!!!Har!!!LOL!!!

www.newfiejoke.blogspot.com
www.artsspot.com

Dat ones worth sending to yer frinds!!!

A Letter From a Mother Newfie to Her Son

Dear Son:

I am writing this slowly because i know you're a slow reader.

We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most car accidents happened within 20 miles of the home, so we moved. I can't send you the address, cuz the last couple that lived here (newfies) took the numbers with them for thier next house so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place has a washing machine, but the first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain, and I haven't seen them since. The bathroom's a funny place for a washing machine.
It rained here only twice last week; three days the first time, and four the second.
About the coat you wanted me to send you; Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
We got a bill from the funeral home, and it siad that if we didn't make the last payment on Granny's funeral, up she comes.

About your sister; She had a baby this morning! I haven't found out wether it's a boy or a girl so I don't know if you are an aunt or an uncle

Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pick-up. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out, but the other two drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate open.

Aunt Mabel is knitting you some socks. She would have sent them by now, but I told her that you grown another foot since she last saw you, so she's making another sock.

Not much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.

I Get Hit By Train

An Irishman, an Englishman, and a Newfie had decided to go on a hunting trip and were staying in a cabin in the woods.

They decided to go hunting one at a time, while the other two stayed and guarded the cabin. The Irishman goes out first and comes back with a fox.

He says, very simply, "I see tracks, I follow tracks, I catch fox."

Then the Englishman goes out and comes back with a rabbit.

He says, "I see tracks, I follow tracks, I catch rabbit."

Then it was the Newfie's turn.

He goes out and comes back limping and badly beaten up.

He says, "I see tracks, I follow tracks, I get hit by train."

Graham Matthews - Newfoundland Artist

www.ArtsSpot.com

Whitney and Hillary...

I am available for portrait sketches like the ones above. I can also sketch or paint anything, such as your boat, your house, or anything you like!

This is a PERFECT gift idea! It is unique and original and will be appreciated!


Graham Matthews

A Half a Hour Later...

A Toronto man with long, unkempt hair and beard,
wearing a long white robe and sandals, carries a sign
which reads, "The world will end at midnight."

Then he turns to reveal the back of the sign, which
reads, "12:30 in Newfoundland."

Click here for more jokes and funny pics!

Icebergs

Iceberg Picture













Dis' is a picture I received of a iceberg this summer. There were some humungous bergs round these parts lately.

Goofy Newfie’s BIG Nickel

A family moved from St. John’s, Newfoundland to Toronto.
The little boy in the family began attending the local school
and was soon the butt of jokes for kids who picked on him
for being a “goofy Newfie.”

One boy would show him a nickel and a dime, and ask him
if he wanted the BIG nickel, or the little dime. The little boy
would always take the BIG nickel, to the mirth of the other
kids.

A teacher watched this happen a couple of times, and then,
in exasperation, took the little boy aside. “Surely,” she said,
“you know the difference in value between a nickel and a dime.
Why do you let them do that to you?”

“Sure I know the difference,” the boy said. “But if I ever take
that dime, they’re going to stop giving me nickels.”

Newfie goes down to the village

"One day a Newfie goes down to the village carpenter
and requests a wooden crate that is 1 inch tall, 1 inch
wide and 50 feet long."

When the carpenter asks what he needs it for, the Newfie
replies "The wife snapped her clothesline the other day,
and I have to send it to Toronto to get it fixed."

Anudder HUMUNGOUS moose!!!

Dat's one big moose!
We put em' to work ere' by's!! Har Har!!

Newfoundlanders had heard stories of an amazing family tradition

Newfoundlanders had heard stories of an amazing
family tradition.

It seems that Len's father, grandfather and great-grandfather
had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday.
On that day, they'd walk across the lake to the boat club
for their first legal drink.  So when Len's 21st birthday
came around, he and his pal Corky took a boat out to
the middle of the lake.  Len stepped out of the boat and
nearly drowned! Corky just managed to pull him to safety.



Furious and confused, Len went to see his grandmother.
"Grandma, it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across
the lake like my father, his father and his father before
him?"



Granny looked into Len's eyes and said, "Because, ya' dumb
arse, yur faudder, grandfaudder and great grandfaudder wuz
born in January, you wuz born in July."



Har Har Har!!!
Haven't updated this site fer awhile...busy workin' in the ol'
fishplant bys'! Keep checkin' back fer a scattered joke ere
and dere!

British Airways flight for London Newfie Joke

British Airways flight for London

[The following messages were announced over the public address system at Toronto's Pearson International Airport...]

“British Airways flight for London leaves from Gate 2 at 12:00 hours.”

“Lufthansa flight for Frankfurt leaves from Gate 7 at 14:00 hours.”

“Air Canada flight for St. John's, Newfoundland, leaves when the small hand is on the 4 and the big hand is on the 12.”

"Only Used Once" - Newfoundland Revolver lol

Newfoundland Flag Verse

Click da pitcher so ye can read it, by's.

The Irishman, the Englishman, and the Newfie

An Irishman, an Englishman, and a Newfie had decided to go on a hunting trip and were staying in a cabin in the woods. They decided to go hunting one at a time, while the other two stayed and guarded the cabin. The Irishman goes out first and comes back with a fox. He says, very simply, "I see tracks, I follow tracks, I catch fox.". Then the Englishman goes out and comes back with a rabbit. He says, "I see tracks, I follow tracks, I catch rabbit.". Then it was the Newfie's turn. He goes out and comes back limping and badly beaten up. He says, "I see tracks, I follow tracks, I get hit by train."

Newfie Fridge - Newfoundland Labrador

Look at dat' by's!!!

It's a genuine

Newfie Fridge!!!

Newfie Jedi

You might be a Newfie Jedi if.....

------------------------------------------------

1.You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be witt ya by*'."

2. Your Jedi robe is made of seal skin.

3. You have ever used your light saber to quarter a moose.

4. Both wings of your X-Wing are done over with sheet metal and rivets and are covered with polybond.

5. You have ever eaten bottled Ewok.

6. You have ever used a land-speeder to get away from wildlife officers.

7. The best part of spending time on Dagobah is the great weather.

8. Even CP3O cannot understand what you are saying.

9. You have used Jedi mind tricks to help you drag off someone from the Sundance (Bar on George Street) and Breezway (University Bar).

10. You have ever used the force to convince a Human Resources Canada officer to give you unemployment insurance checks.

11. Your father has ever said to you, "Come on by' son, come on over 'ere to the dark side and have a Black Horse (Newfoundland brewed beer) witt yer old man."

12. You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to scare off mosquitoes on May 24 weekend.

13. You have ever used the Millennium Falcon to smuggle booze and cigarettes from St. Pierre (Island belonging to France just of southern nf coast).

14. You have a Newfoundland dog painted on the hood of your land-speeder.

15. You think Andy Wells (St. John's mayor) and Brian Tobin (nf premier) are part of the dark side of the force.

16. You have ever fantasized about Danielle House wearing her hair like Princess Leia.+

17. You have a trailer hitch on the back of your land speeder for hauling your trailer to gravel pits.

18. Chewbacca is the lead of your dog sled team.

19. You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with snowmobile skis.

20. You were the only person drinking Newfie Screech during the cantina scene.

21. If you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father ... tell me what the hell your mother's getting on with by'?!"

Run Buddy!!!!!... Run For Your Life!!!

Look at dis' HUMUNGOUS moose!!!!

Biblical Quotations

Har har! This one's funny!

Biblical quotations

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners in Grand Bank. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote

"Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message,

"Genesis 3:10."
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.

Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."

Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."

When a Newf Wins The Lotto

A frind' a mine sent me dis pic last night. It's called "When A Newfie Wins The Lotto"...I can REALLY imagine a Newf doin' sumptin' like dat'!!

Wa-ya-at?

Newfie and Viagra

A Newfoundland woman of a certain age, visited her physician to ask his help in reviving her husband's sex drive.


"What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor.


"Oh, no, doctor, I couldn't do dat," she said. "He won't even take an aspirin.


"Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Drop it into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."


It wasn't a week later that she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to the progress.


The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh Jaysus Mary and Joseph, doctor, twas horrid. Just terrible!"


"Really? What happened?" asked the doctor.






"Well, I did like you said and slipped it into his coffee, lard. De effect was almost immediate. He jumped hisself straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with his pants a-bulging something fierce! With one swoop of his arm he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and then, Lard tunder and Jaysus, didn't he take me right then and there, making wild,mad passionate love to me on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you!"


"Why so terrible?", asked the doctor. "Do you mean the sex was not good?"


"No, no, no, Doctor. The sex was fine. Indeed, 'twas the best sex I had in 25 years. But, oh me son, I'll never be able to show me face in Tim Horton's ever again!".........