A Letter From a Mother Newfie to Her Son

Dear Son:

I am writing this slowly because i know you're a slow reader.

We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most car accidents happened within 20 miles of the home, so we moved. I can't send you the address, cuz the last couple that lived here (newfies) took the numbers with them for thier next house so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place has a washing machine, but the first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain, and I haven't seen them since. The bathroom's a funny place for a washing machine.
It rained here only twice last week; three days the first time, and four the second.
About the coat you wanted me to send you; Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
We got a bill from the funeral home, and it siad that if we didn't make the last payment on Granny's funeral, up she comes.

About your sister; She had a baby this morning! I haven't found out wether it's a boy or a girl so I don't know if you are an aunt or an uncle

Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pick-up. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out, but the other two drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate open.

Aunt Mabel is knitting you some socks. She would have sent them by now, but I told her that you grown another foot since she last saw you, so she's making another sock.

Not much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.