Newfie Jokes

Ere's a couple sent in by Laura S. - Tanks Laura

How did the Newfie break his arm while raking leaves?

He fell out of the tree!


What happened to the Newfie when he tried to blow up the bus?

He burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe!

Moose Licence Application

NEWFIE MOOSE LICENCE APPLICATION FER NEXT YEAR

AREA 36



Dept. of Toorism & Culchur

Wildlife Part, 'Ealt Science Place


Sin Jon's, The Rock



WHO'S YOU? ________________________________________

WHERE YA LIVES: _____________________________________

IS YA A: B'Y______ GIRL ______ BOTH ______ UDDER ______

IF UDDER, WHAT KIND IS YA? __________________________

WHERE'D YA MUDDER 'AVE YA AT? ______________________


WHEN WAS DIS? _____________________________________



1. If ya lives out dis way, is ya on:

Pokey ___ Welfare ___ Project ___Too lazy to get off yer arse___

2. Do ya drink? ___

3. Ow' much?

Lots___By de gallons ___Beef buckets full___Till ya passes out___


4. What kind do ya drink?

'Ome brew ___De bought stuff___Anyting ya gets ya hands on___

5. Does ya stagger much? If ya do, when do ya?

Marnin ___ Evenin ___ Ya can't walk straight atal ___

6. Is ya a alkie?

Yup ___ Nope ___ It's 'ard da say ___


7. Does ya go to AA?

Yup ___ Nope ___ What de'ell is AA? ___

8. Does ya smoke de wacky backy? ____ If not, how come?________

9. Is poachin' a sin? ______ Fer 'oo? ________________

10. Does yer know what sex is? If ya does, when does ya git any?

All de time___Whenever ya kin git it___Not dat often b'y___


11. 'Ow much money does ya 'ave?

I's rotten in da stuff___A bit___Haven got a cent___None of yer

bloody business ___

12. Does ya tink dat dis ting is too 'ard ta fill out?

Yup ___ Nope ___Ya got someone else da fill it out fer ya___




ANSWER DEM QUESTIONS UNNERNEAT TRU OR NOT



1. When dey runs, Bull Mooses got tree legs.

Tru ___ Not ___

2. Out dis way, nobody shoots mooses when deys not spose ta.

Tru ___ Not ___

3. Jawbones offa mooses is senta where dem people is starvin.


Tru ___ Not ___

4. AIDS is one a dem 'Care Packs'.

Tru ___ Not ___

5. Ye can shoot anyting longs ya got any kinda licence atall.

Tru ___ Not ___



SEN DIS TA WHERE IT SAY TA ON TOP AN' MAKE SURE YA DOS BEFORE


CHRISTMAS DA NEXT YEAR.

YA DON'T AVE TA SEN YER MONEY NOW,
WAIT TILL YA GITS YER LICENCE.



***************************************************

Har!!!Har!!!LOL!!!

www.newfiejoke.blogspot.com
www.artsspot.com

Dat ones worth sending to yer frinds!!!

A Letter From a Mother Newfie to Her Son

Dear Son:

I am writing this slowly because i know you're a slow reader.

We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most car accidents happened within 20 miles of the home, so we moved. I can't send you the address, cuz the last couple that lived here (newfies) took the numbers with them for thier next house so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place has a washing machine, but the first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain, and I haven't seen them since. The bathroom's a funny place for a washing machine.
It rained here only twice last week; three days the first time, and four the second.
About the coat you wanted me to send you; Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
We got a bill from the funeral home, and it siad that if we didn't make the last payment on Granny's funeral, up she comes.

About your sister; She had a baby this morning! I haven't found out wether it's a boy or a girl so I don't know if you are an aunt or an uncle

Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pick-up. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out, but the other two drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate open.

Aunt Mabel is knitting you some socks. She would have sent them by now, but I told her that you grown another foot since she last saw you, so she's making another sock.

Not much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.

I Get Hit By Train

An Irishman, an Englishman, and a Newfie had decided to go on a hunting trip and were staying in a cabin in the woods.

They decided to go hunting one at a time, while the other two stayed and guarded the cabin. The Irishman goes out first and comes back with a fox.

He says, very simply, "I see tracks, I follow tracks, I catch fox."

Then the Englishman goes out and comes back with a rabbit.

He says, "I see tracks, I follow tracks, I catch rabbit."

Then it was the Newfie's turn.

He goes out and comes back limping and badly beaten up.

He says, "I see tracks, I follow tracks, I get hit by train."