The Newfie and Shakespeare - Hilarious Newfie Joke

A Newfoundlander and Shakespeare die. They arrive at the pearly gates where, God says,"I only have room for one of you, so what I want you do is go off by yourself and write a poem."

The newfie thinking to himself "I'm up against Shakespeare, the greatest poet ever to live, how am I going to beat him."

God says,"An additional rule is that your poem must contain the word Timbucto."

Shakespeare comes back a few minutes later and says, "A boy was walking in the sand, with a sparrow in his hand, and from his hand that sparrow flew, his destination Timbucto."

Well the newfie was upset and thought, "Oh no. That was pretty good. What should I do now? I don't have a poem made up yet."

But, neverously, the Newfie gets up anyway, clears his throat, and says,"Me and Tim where homeward bend, we spyed three women in a tent, so I was one and Tim was two, so I bucked one and Timbucto".



We're not sure who won to this day......

Make Me A Newfie - ANUDDER Funny Newfie Joke!

An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie (ie. a Newfoundlander). He went to a neurosurgeon and asked "Is there anything you can do to me that would make me into a Newfie?""Sure, it's easy." replied the neurosurgeon. "All I have to do is cut out 1/3 of your brain, and you'll be a Newfie."The Ontarian was very pleased, and immediately underwent the operation. However, the surgeon's knife slipped, and instead of cutting out 1/3 of the patient's brain, the surgeon accidentally cut out 2/3 of the patient's brain. He was terribly remorseful, and waited impatiently beside the patient's bed as the patient recovered from the anesthetic.As soon as the patient was conscious, the nurosurgeon said to him - "I'm terribly sorry, but there was a ghastly accident. Instead of cutting out 1/3 of your brain, I accidentally cut out 2/3 of your brain."The patient replied "Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit, monsieur?"

The Newfie Birthday - Funny Newfie Joke!!

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday and I wasn't feeling too good that morning. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!" and probably would have a present for me.

As it turned out, she didn't even say good morning, let alone any happy birthday. I thought, well, that's wives for you, the children will remember.

The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said, "Good morning, Boss. Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better that someone had remembered.

I worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me."

I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day."Let's go!" We went to lunch.

We didn't go where we normally go; instead we went out to a private little place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.

On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?"

I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my apartment."

After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable".

She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake -- followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy Birthday.

And I just sat there --on the couch -- naked.

Newfie Airliner - Anudder Funny Newfie Joke LOL

Newfie Airliner

An airliner is coming into land at an airport obscured by fog. Visibility is practically nil, the ILS system is on the blink, so the newfie pilot has to land on wits alone.

"Flaps, check," he says to the co-pilot, "Landing Gear, check. Altitude, check. Right, we're going in. Hold on."

The plane lands and comes to a screeching, grinding halt; just short of the edge of the runway. "Holy Cow!" exclaims the pilot, "This must be the shortest runway I've ever landed on!"

The newfie co-pilot looks left and right and says "Yeah, and about the widest, too ..."


LOL... Ha Ha Ha.. dat' was a funny one..

Huge Moose Chasing Tourist! Funny!

Look Behind You!!! Its a Moose!

Get in the van by's! We'll be safe in der'
. (Don't think so... LOL!)

Funny pictures of a huge moose chasing some tourists....

More Funny NEWFIE Phrases!

Long may your Jib draw - A good wish for the future.

Tom Long's account - To pay what you owe and have nothing left.

Mucked her off to the hospital - Took her to the hospital.

You are taking a rise out of me - Your flattery is only for the purpose of making others laugh at me.

You are as deep as the grave - Your real feelings are not easily judged from your appearance.

Tis not every day that Morris kills a cow - Favorable opportunity comes but seldom.

The old dog for a hard road - Experience easily overcomes difficulty.

You can't tell the mind of a squid - This refers to an unreliable person, a squid can move backwards or forward.

The older the crab, the tougher his claws - It is not easy to fool a sophisticated person.

Wait a fair wind, and you'll get one - Await and opportunity.

May snow is good for sore eyes - An old legend, many say it's true.

Newfie Hole Diggers - Funny Joke Ha Ha Ha!!

Two Newfies were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one man digging a hole, the other filling it in again.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, 'I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?'

The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, 'Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the guy who plants the trees called in sick.'

Funny Newfie Pictures... Har Har Har!!

Newfie Christmas Tree Made With Lobster Pots!! LOL

Newfie Lawn Mower! Funny!

Newfie Lamp!

Newfie Port-Potty!!! Ha Ha Ha!!

More Funny Short Newfie Jokes!!

A Newf carried a sheep up to his bedroom and said 'this is the pig ive been fuking while you were away'
The wife looked at him and said 'thats a sheep not a pig'
The newf looked at his wife and said 'i wasnt talking to you'


How do you keep a Newfie from spending his welfare cheque???

Put it under his workboots


what is the Newfoundland equivalent of Grade 6?

Having gone to grade 1 six times


what was the newfie doing in the lumber yard?

looking for the board of education

10 Husbands, Still a... - Ha Ha Funny Joke By's

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a v*irgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get sc*rewed!"

Death Row - Funny Newfie Joke

There was a German, an Italian and a Newfie on death row. The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die...
1. To be shot
2. To be hung
3. To be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death
The German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.
The Italian said "Just hang me." With a snap of the rope he was dead.
Then the Newfie said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot and the Newfie fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.
The Newfie said "Give me another one of those shots." The guards injected him again and now the Newfie was laughing so hard that tears rolled down his cheeks and he was doubled over laughing.
Finally the warden said "What is wrong with you?"
The Newfie replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom."

Newfie Sayings and Their Meanings

Turn around, she is behind you. ......Turn around, she's bind ya.

Isn't that foolish..... Idn't dat fulish b'y

I'll be over in a while....... I'll be over now, d'once

My nerves are bad..... Oh me nerves, de got me drove

A really slow person.... Your as slow as cold molasses runnin' up a hill

How is she getting on/ How is she doing....... Owshegettinonb'ys

It's Shocking..... Shockin' dat is, shockin b'y

Give us some of that.... Giv us a bitta dat luh

Mummers are people who dress up in silly clothing during Christmas, and go from house to house. It's asked before entering the house........... Any mummers loud in?

Funny Newfie Pictures by's!! What a Laugh!!

Newfie Bike Lock Har Har Har!!

Newfie Paramedics!! Are dey STUN er wa?!

Newfoundland Revolver!
ONLY USED ONCE!!

How many Newfies does it take to go ice fishing? Four. One to cut a hole in the ice and three to put the boat through.

How did the first Newfie get to Toronto? Some were playing hockey on the frozen-over Gulf of St. Lawrence and one of them got a breakaway.

Funny Newfie Executioner Joke

A Torontonian, an American and a Newfoundlander are involved in a grisly crime and are all sentenced to death. The executioner told them that they would each get to choose the method by which they would die.
Their choices were: lethal injection, electric chair or by hanging.
The American was afraid of needles and didn’t want to be hanged. The American chose the electric chair.
He sat in the chair and they pulled the switch and nothing happened. The executioner said that if this happens a second time that he could go free.
They tried a second time and again nothing happened so they set him free.
The guy from Toronto was also afraid of needles and didn’t want to be hanged so he too chose the electric chair.
Once again, the chair didn’t work and he was free.
Next it was the Newfoundlander’s turn to pick how he was to be executed.
He said “I’m afraid of needles, the electric chair won’t work so you’re going to have to hang me”.


Har Har Har... now dat was pretty funny by's!!!

Newfie 911 - Funny Newf Joke Ha Ha

A newfie's wife passed away and he called 911. The 911 operator told him that they would send someone over right away and asked him where he lived.
"At the end of Eucalyptus Drive," the newfie told her. The operator asked, "Could you please spell that for me?"
After a long pause, the newfie said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"

Newfie’s Short Runway - LOL Funny Newfie Joke By's

[As they approached Vancouver number 1 runway, the tower heard...]

PILOT: Bjeesus will ya look how fookin shart dat runway is?

CO-PILOT: Yer nat fookin kiddin, Paddy.

PILOT: Dis is ganna be one a de trickiest landings ever, Shamus!

CO-PILOT: Yer nat fookin kiddin, Paddy!

PILOT: Right, Shamus, when I say 'go' ya put de flaps down!

CO-PILOT: Royt, I'll do dat!

PILOT: An den ya put de engine in reverse!

CO-PILOT: Royt, I'll do dat, too!

PILOT: An den stamp an de brakes as hard as yer can an pray ta de Holy Mudder a Gad!

CO-PILOT: I'm prayin already, but I'll hit de brakes as hard as I can.

So, Shamus puts the flaps down and put the engines in reverse, stamped on the brakes and continued to pray to the Holy Mother with all his soul. The brakes screeched, the tires squealed, and there was smoke everywhere, but, to the relief of all the passengers, and, not least of all, Paddy and Shamus, the aircraft came to stop but a few meters from the end of the runway!

As Paddy and Shamus sat in the cockpit regaining some composure, Paddy looked out of the window and said to Shamus, “Dat has gat ta be de shartist fookin runway in de world!”

Shamus replied, “Yes, but da ya see how fookin wide it is?”

Funny Knock Knock Jokes

FUNNY Quit Stealing Our Letters Sign LOL

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Doris!
Doris who?
Doris locked that’s why I am knocking!

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Cheese!
Cheese who?
Cheese a cute girl!


Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Butch!
Butch who?
Butch your little arms around me!

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Armageddon!
Armageddon who?
Armageddon out of here!

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Doughnut!
Doughnut who?
Doughnut worry it is just a joke!

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Thermos!
Thermos who?
Thermos be a better knock-knock joke than this!

Tiger Wood's Balls - Funny Newfie Joke

Tiger Woods on the Prowl... Har Har Har!!

Sent on a golf tour in Newfie, Tiger Woods drives his new Ford Fusion into a petrol station in a remote part of the countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Newfoundlander manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.



"Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant.

Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.

"What are dose?" Asks the attendant.

"They're called tees," replies Tiger.

"Well, what on god's earth are dey for?" inquires the attendant.

"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.

"Lardthunderin!", says the Newfoundlander, "Ford tinks of everyting!"

Funny Newfie Love Poem and Funny Picture LOL

Susie tobin fell in love;

she planned to marry joe

she was so 'appy 'bout it all

she told her pappy so.

Pappy told her, susie, maid,

you'll have to find anudder.

I'd just as soon your ma don't know,

but joe is your 'alf brudder.

So susie put aside her joe

and planned to marry will,

but after telling pappy this,

he said, "dere's trouble still.

You can't marry will, my dear,

and please don't tell your mudder,

but will and joe, and several mo'

i knows is your 'alf brudder.

But mudder knew and said, my child,

just do what makes you 'appy.

Marry will or marry joe.

You hain't no kin to pappy.

Can't outsmart a Newfie - Funny Newfoundland Joke

A Newfie went hunting one day in Ontario and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by an ornery game warden, who didn't like Newfies.

The game warden ordered the Newfie to show his hunting license, and the Newfie pulled out a valid Ontario hunting license.

The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, 'This duck ain't from Ontario . This is a Quebec duck. You got a Quebec huntin' license, boy?'

The Newfie reached into his wallet and produced a Quebec hunting license. The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said , 'This ain't no Quebec duck. This duck's from Manitoba . You got a Manitoba license?'

The Newfie reached into his wallet and produced a Manitoba hunting license.

The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt and said, 'This ain't no Ontario duck. This here duck's from Nova Scotia . You got a Nova Scotia huntin' license?'

Again the Newfie reached into his wallet and brought out a Nova Scotia hunting license. The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the Newfie 'Just where the hell are you from?'

The Newfie turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said, 'You tell me.....you're the expert.!!'

The Magic Lantern - Funny Redneck Joke

In the back woods of Kentucky, the redneck's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.
Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there," said the doctor.

"Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down...I think there's yet another one to come."

Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern. . . It seems there's yet another one in there!" cried the doctor.

The Redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "Do you think it's the light that's attractin' 'em?"

The Newfie's Lost Fingers

Johnny was working at the fish plant in Carbonear when he accidentally cut off all ten of his fingers.
He went to the emergency room in St. John's and when he got there the doctor looked at Johnny and said
"Let's have da fingers and I'll see what I can do."
Johnny said, "I haven't got da fingers."
"What do you mean, you haven't got da fingers? Lord t'undrin Jesus bye' it's 2004! We's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put dem back on and made you like new! Why didn't you bring da fingers?"

Johnny says. "How da fock was I suppose to pick dem up??

Newfie Beer Cooler - Fuuny Joke

Two Newfies go camping and pack a cooler with sandwiches and beer.

After three days of walking, they arrive at a great spot but realize they've forgotten a bottle opener. The first Newfie turns to the second and says, "You've gotta go back and get the opener or else we have no beer."

"No way," says the second. "By the time I get back, you will have eaten all the food."

"I promise I won't," says the Newfie. "Just hurry!"

Nine full days pass and there's still no sign of the second Newfie.

Exasperated and starving, the first Newfie digs into the sandwiches.

Suddenly, the second Newfie pops out from behind a rock and yells, "I knew it! I'm not f**king going!!!!"

Newfie Fisherman's Rental - Newfie Joke

Two Newfie brothers rented a boat to go fishing. They kept going further and further out, but with no luck at all. They were so far out now they couldn't even see land. Finally, the fish started biting like mad, and soon they had a full catch to take home.

Before they headed back, though, the first brother said to the second,"Wait a minute! How will we find this great fishing spot again?"

The second brother said to the first, " Oh, I know! Let's just write a great big "X" here on the floor of the boat, cuz that's where all the fish are underneath us!"

The first brother replied with a sneer to the second, "Don't be stupid! This is a rental -- we might not get the same boat next time..."

Lots of Funny PUNS

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and
says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't
believe you," says Dolly. "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week ...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A f s h.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says," Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good). A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

The Newfie and the Rabbit

A Mainlander was driving down the highway and he ran over a rabbit. Wondering what had happened, he stopped his car and got out to look. As he is standing there, looking at the dead rabbit, a Newfie drives by. The Newfie, wondering if he can help, stops and asks the Mainlander what's up.

Mainlander: "I'm here visiting your fair province and I seem to have killed one of your land rodents."

Newfie looks down and sees the dead rabbit.

Newfie: "No problem, b'y. Hang'er down a few."

Newfie goes to his truck and returns with an aerosol spray can. He empties the spray over the rabbit. He then chucks the empty can into the ditch and sez "There ya go, me son. Enjoy yer stay." He gets in his truck and is gone.

The rabbit gets up, hops 10 feet towards the woods, turns around and waves, hops 10 feet, turns around and waves, hops 10 feet and he's gone into the woods.

The Mainlander was astounded!! Wondering what the Newfie did, he got the can out of the ditch and read the label, which said: "Hair spray. Gauranteed to bring dead hair back to life with a permanent wave"

You know you're from Newfoundland when...

- You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup.
- You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
- The mosquitoes have landing lights.
- You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
- You have 10 favourite recipes for bottled moose.
- Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
- You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.
- You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
- Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
- You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
- You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
- The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires 6 pages for local softball scores.
- At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
- The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
- Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
- You think the start of salmon fishing season is a national holiday.
- You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
- You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
- You find -40C a little nippy.
- The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.
- You can play road hockey on skates.
- You know 4 seasons - Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.
- The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
- You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Newfie friends.

The Airport Ride - George & Aggie - Funny Newfie Joke

George & Aggie were in Boston for the first time to visit their son and family. As they reached the front door of the terminal they hail a taxi , and got in. As they headed for the city the driver, making some small talk, asks them where they are from? Aggie asks George "WHAT'D HE SAY GEORGE?". The old skipper leans over and yells in her ear,"HE ASKED WHERE WE'RE FROM!". Then the old skipper says to the driver "We're from Stephenville"."Oh" says the driver,"I was stationed there when I was in the airforce". Again Aggie pipes up "WHATS THE FELLA SAYING NOW GEORGE..WHAT'D HE SAY"."HE SAYS HE'S BEEN THERE". "I see" says Aggie. They drive along in silence for a while when the driver
says,"You know I went with a girl when I was there, and she was the meanest most disagreeable hag I ever hooked up with"."WHATS HE SAYING NOW GEORGE ..I CAN'T HEAR HIM'.

The old skipper yells back,"HE THINKS HE KNOWS YA".

Newfie on the Patch - Funny Newfoundland Joke

Two newfies are in a car enjoying a bottle of black horse, when a cop pulls them over. The newfie in the passenger seat says "He's got us now by, what are we gonna do?"
The driver says they have nothing to worry about and tells him to follow his lead and say nothing.
The driver peals the lable off the bottle of beer, licks the back of it, sticks it to his forehead, and puts the bottle under his seat--the passenger follows suit. The police officer approaches the drivers window and asks for his licence and registration.
As the driver gives the officer his info the officer asks whether he or the passenger had been drinking at all that night, at which point the driver points to his forehead and responds, "Oh no sir, we's on da patch ya see!".

Funny Newfoundland Computer Term Definitions

1. Log on - Make the wood stove hotter

2. Log off - Don't add no more wood

3. Monitor - Keep an eye on that wood stove

4. Download - Getting the firewood off the truck

5. Floppy disk - What you get from trying to carry too much firewood

6. Ram - The thing that splits the firewood

7. Hard Drive - Getting home in the winter

8. Prompt - What the mail ain't in the winter

9. Window - What to shut when it's cold outside

10. Screen - What to shut in black fly season

11. Byte - What the black flies do

12. Bit - What the black flies did

13. Mega Byte - What the BIG black flies do during trout season

14. Chip - Munchies for TV

15. Micro Chip - What's left in the bag after you eat the chips

16. Modem - What you did to the weeds growing in the driveway

17. Dot matrix - Old Dan Matrix's wife

18. Lap top - Where the beer spills when you pass out

19. Software - The dumb plastic knives and forks they give you at McDonalds

20. Hardware - Real stainless steel cutlery

21. Mouse - What makes the holes in the Cheerios box

22. Main frame - What holds the house up, hopefully

23. Enter - The only way to win those magazine ad sweepstakes

24. Web - What a spider makes

25. Web site - High corners of the ceiling

26. Cursor - Someone who swears

27. Search Engine - What you do when the car dies

28. Screen Saver - repair kit for the torn window screen

29. Home Page - map you keep in your back pocket just in case you
get lost in the woods

30. Upgrade - Steep hill

31. Server - waitress

32. Mail Server - male waitress, damn few in Newfoundland

33. MS DOS - Some new disease they discovered

34. Sound Card - One of them technological birthday cards that plays
music when you open it

35. User - The neighbor who keeps borrowing stuff

36. Browser - A problem moose in the Garden or Blueberry Patch

37. Network - Mending holes in the gillnet

38. Internet - Complicated fish net repair method

39. Netscape - What haddock do when you don't do your network

40. Online - good sign there'll be clean clothes this week

41. Off line - the clothes pins let go and the laundry falls on the
ground--better luck next week