Newfoundland Job Applicants

A young man named Mike applied for an engineering position at a Newfoundland firm based in St, Johns. A Mainlander applied for the same job and both applicants, having the same qualifications, were asked to take a test by the department manager. Upon completion of the test both men had only missed one of the questions.

The manager went to Mike and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the Mainlander the job."

"And why would you be doing that?" asked Mike. "We both get 9 questions correct. This bein' the rock and me being a Newfie, I should get the jab!"

"We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed."

"And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"

"Simple," replied the manager. "On question # 5, the Mainlander put down, 'I don't know.' You put down 'Needer do I.'"

Clyde, the Newfie with Two Assholes - Very Funny

A newfie named Clyde died in a fire and was burnt so badly that the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Clem and Zeke, came to do the job. Clem went in first and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Clem said "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over." So the mortician rolled him over and Clem took one look and said, "Nope, ain't Clyde."

Just to be safe the mortician brought in Zeke and Zeke took a look at him and said "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Zeke looked down and said "No, it ain't Clyde." The mortician asked "How can you tell? Zeke said "Well, Clyde had two assholes." "What? He had two assholes?" said the mortician. "Yup, everyone in town knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say 'Here comes Clyde with them two assholes.' "

Potato Sack - Anudder Newfie Joke

An Ontarian, an Albertan, and a Newfie are running from the cops. They run into an alley and see a pile of sacks, which they decide to hide in. The cops follow them into the alley and kick the bag with the Ontarian in it. The Ontarian goes "meow!" and the cops go "Ah, it's just a bag full of cats." They kick the bag with the Albertan in it, and he goes "woof!" and they're like, "OK, dog in a bag, whatever." Then they kick the bag with the Newfie in it, and he goes "potato!"


Yup, dats' just wut' a real newf would say der'... har har har!!!

The Genie - Funny Newfie Joke

A Newfie is walking home kicking old bottles, when a genie pops out of one. "I can grant you three wishes," says the genie, "so choose wisely." The Newfie says "Give me a beer that’ll never run out." A bottle appears in the Newfie’s hand and he downs it, but when we pulls it away from his mouth it’s still full. The happy Newfie continues walking home. The genie says "Hey, you still have two wishes left!" "Oh," says the Newfie, "gimme two more of these then!"

Har Har Har... Dat' wuz a good one by's!!

You know your from Newfoundland when....

- You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup.
- You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
- The mosquitoes have landing lights.
- You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
- You have 10 favourite recipes for bottled moose.
- Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
- You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.
- You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
- Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
- You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
- You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
- The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires 6 pages for local softball scores.
- At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
- The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
- Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
- You think the start of salmon fishing season is a national holiday.
- You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
- You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
- You find -40C a little nippy.
- The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.
- You can play road hockey on skates.
- You know 4 seasons - Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.
- The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
- You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Newfie friends.