Funny Dear Garge Letter/ Tall Giraffe

Dear Garge Letter

A young Newfoundland girl,
on a year training course in South Africa, recently received a "Dear Garge" letter from her boyfriend back home in St. John's. It read as follows:

Dear Mary,

I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.

Love,
Garge

Upset, Mary asked her colleagues for any snapshots they could spare of their boyfriends, brothers, ex-boyfriends, uncles, cousins, etc. In addition to the picture of John, Mary included all the other pictures she had collected from her buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope...along with this note:

Dear Garge,

I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.

Take Care,
Mary

Funny Newfie Moose Licence Application

NEWFIE MOOSE LICENCE APPLICATION FER NEXT YEAR

AREA 36

Dept. of Toorism & Culchur
Wildlife Part, 'Ealt Science Place
Sin Jon's, The Rock

WHO'S YOU? ________________________________________
WHERE YA LIVES: _____________________________________
IS YA A: B'Y______ GIRL ______ BOTH ______ UDDER ______
IF UDDER, WHAT KIND IS YA? __________________________
WHERE'D YA MUDDER 'AVE YA AT? ______________________
WHEN WAS DIS? _____________________________________

1. If ya lives out dis way, is ya on:
Pokey ___ Welfare ___ Project ___Too lazy to get off yer arse___
2. Do ya drink? ___
3. Ow' much?
Lots___By de gallons ___Beef buckets full___Till ya passes out___
4. What kind do ya drink?
'Ome brew ___De bought stuff___Anyting ya gets ya hands on___
5. Does ya stagger much? If ya do, when do ya?
Marnin ___ Evenin ___ Ya can't walk straight atal ___
6. Is ya a alkie?
Yup ___ Nope ___ It's 'ard da say ___
7. Does ya go to AA?
Yup ___ Nope ___ What de'ell is AA? ___
8. Does ya smoke de wacky backy? ____ If not, how come?________
9. Is poachin' a sin? ______ Fer 'oo? ________________
10. Does yer know what sex is? If ya does, when does ya git any?
All de time___Whenever ya kin git it___Not dat often b'y___
11. 'Ow much money does ya 'ave?
I's rotten in da stuff___A bit___Haven got a cent___None of yer
bloody business ___
12. Does ya tink dat dis ting is too 'ard ta fill out?
Yup ___ Nope ___Ya got someone else da fill it out fer ya___

ANSWER DEM QUESTIONS UNNERNEAT TRU OR NOT

1. When dey runs, Bull Mooses got tree legs.
Tru ___ Not ___
2. Out dis way, nobody shoots mooses when deys not spose ta.
Tru ___ Not ___
3. Jawbones offa mooses is senta where dem people is starvin.
Tru ___ Not ___
4. AIDS is one a dem 'Care Packs'.
Tru ___ Not ___
5. Ye can shoot anyting longs ya got any kinda licence atall.
Tru ___ Not ___

SEN DIS TA WHERE IT SAY TA ON TOP AN' MAKE SURE YA DOS BEFORE
CHRISTMAS DA NEXT YEAR.
YA DON'T AVE TA SEN YER MONEY NOW,
WAIT TILL YA GITS YER LICENCE.

Following Doctor's orders can be a 'tunderin' experience...

A Newfie was terribly overweight, so his Doctor put him on a diet.

“I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.”

When the Newfie returned, he shocked the Doctor by having lost nearly 60 pounds!

“Why, that's amazing!” the Doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?”

The Newfie nodded. “I'll tell you though, by the tunderin, I t'aut I were going to drop dead dat 3rd day.”

“From hunger, you mean?”

“No, from skippin'!”