Dis' is where ALL the FUNNIEST free jokes and pictures are by's. Here ye will find the best jokes ever... NEWFIE JOKES!!! - Funny One-Liners, Funny Short Jokes, Funny Newfie Pictures too!... I daresay dis' is da funniest webpage in the ol' world. I'm braggin' a bit, but jus' check it out fer yerselves...
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Monday, November 26, 2007
The Newfie Logger - Newfie Joke!
A Newfie decides to travel across Canada to see the Pacific Ocean. When he gets to Campbell River, he likes the place so much that he decides to stay. But first he must find a job. He walks into the Weyerhaeuser office and fills out an application as an 'experienced' logger. It's his lucky day. They just happen to be looking for someone.
But first, the bush foreman takes him for a ride in the bush in the company pickup truck to see how much he knows.
The foreman stops the truck on the side of the road and points at a tree. "See that tree over there? I want you to tell me what species it is and how many board feet of lumber it contains."
The Newfie promptly answers, "It's a citrus spruce containing 383 board feet of lumber."
The foreman is impressed. He puts the truck in motion and stops again about a mile down the road. He points at another tree through the passenger door window and asks the same question. This time, it's a bigger tree of a different class.
"It's a Douglas fir and has 690 board feet." says the Newfie.
Now the foreman is really impressed. The Newfie has answered quickly and got the answers right without even using a calculator! One more test. They drive a little farther down the road, and the foreman stops again. This time, he points across the road through his driver side window. "And what about that one?"
Before the foreman finishes pointing, the Newfie says, "A cedar, 242 board feet."
The foreman spins the truck around and heads back to the office. He's a little cheesed off because he thinks that the Newfie is smarter than he. As they near the office, the foreman stops the truck and asks the Newfie to step outside.
He hands him a piece of chalk and tells him, "See that tree over there. I want you to mark an X on the front of that tree." The foreman thinks to himself, "Idiot! How does he know which is the front of the tree?"
When the Newfie reaches the tree, he goes around it in a circle while looking at the ground. He then reaches up and places a white X on the trunk. He runs back to the foreman and hands him the chalk.
"That is the front of the tree," the Newfie states, cocksure.
The foreman laughs to himself and asks sarcastically, "How in the hell do you know that's the front of the tree?"
The Newfie looks down at this feet, while moving the toe of his left boot clockwise in the gravel, replies, "Cuz someone took a crap behind it."
Monday, November 5, 2007
A letter from a mother newfie to her son.
Dear Son:
I am writing this slowly because i know you're a slow reader.
We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most car accidents happened within 20 miles of the home, so we moved. I can't send you the address, cuz the last couple that lived here (newfies) took the numbers with them for thier next house so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place has a washing machine, but the first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain, and I haven't seen them since. The bathroom's a funny place for a washing machine.
It rained here only twice last week; three days the first time, and four the second.
About the coat you wanted me to send you; Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
We got a bill from the funeral home, and it siad that if we didn't make the last payment on Granny's funeral, up she comes.
About your sister; She had a baby this morning! I haven't found out wether it's a boy or a girl so I don't know if you are an aunt or an uncle
Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pick-up. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out, but the other two drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate open.
Aunt Mabel is knitting you some socks. She would have sent them by now, but I told her that you grown another foot since she last saw you, so she's making another sock.
Not much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.